After the Boom
by D.D. Casale
Summary: After the boom things are reset, but Lost turns upside down. Find out what’s going to happen in this season six crackfic.
1. Episode – 601

**After the Boom**  
by Andressa Casale

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Lost, I wrote this for my fun only.

**Rating:** Rated T for some strong language.

**Author's Note:** This is my first attempt at a comedy fic, I'm not sure if my comic timing is good or totally off. But I had fun writing it, so I decided to share. I hope you like it and have a good laugh. Remember this is a crackfic based on characters stereotypes, don't blame me if it is a little OOC. Also, I'm not a native English speaker, and this fiction has not been proof read. I did my best to keep this as flawless as possible.

**6.01**** - Oh, the Reset!**

Juliet is dragged into the sawn hole by metal chains wrapped around her waist, she falls really high, but surprisingly enough, she doesn't die! Apparently the island is not done with her yet, so she wakes up the same way Locke did when his daddy threw him out of a window after John gave him his kidney.

She sees the bomb, that should be set off by impact, but just like Juliet, the bomb fell down the hatch without detonating. Juliet knows she has a purpose, she picks up a black rock and hits the nuke with it, but it still doesn't go off, she hits it a few more time getting anxious, then after yelling her boyfriend's favorite curse, "come one, you sonovabitch!" The bomb explodes bringing brightness with it.

After the brightness is gone Jack wakes up in the middle of a bamboo jungle completely unharmed except for the wound on his back that Kate needs to stitch up. He hears a piercing shriek and runs to the beach. He finds Locke, Kate, Sawyer and Sayid talking he goes over to them.

Jack: What happened?

Sawyer: Your plan didn't go so well, Jackass!

Locke: The island told me that when Juliet detonated the bomb we were flashed back in time.

Sayid: I believe I can explain what is happening. Your attempt to set things straight, Jack, has tempered with causality. You see, in order for Juliet to have been able to blow up the island, John would have to have turned the wheel. But if the island was exploded in the seventies, then it was as if flight 815 never crashed. If we never have crashed, then John never turned the wheel, and therefore Juliet was never sent to the past and she never exploded the island.

Sawyer [snarling]: So basically what Aladdin on Drugs has just said is that your plan was stupid and I was right!

Michael: WALT! WALLLLLLLTT!!

Jack [to Kate]: For the love of Jacob! What the hell happened to set off Michael now? Please even Shannon's annoying shriek is better than this.

Michael [coming over]: My son is gone, they took my boy!

Kate [worried]: No, this is not right. Walt isn't going to get kidnapped until the end of this season, if we are in a loop then why is Walt missing?

Michael: I don't care, they took my boy!! WAAAAAAAALLLLLLLTTTTTTT!

Locke [Looking at Michael, with a glare that says he knows more about the island than Michael does.]: I'm sure the reason why Walt is missing is because he is special!

Sawyer: And what Taller-Ghost-Walt here means is that Malcolm David Kelley is seventeen years old now, and there is no way Carlton can come up with any explanation of why a ten year old boy has a five o'clock shadow in the end of the day, so they have him missing and will later come up with a crap about him being special!

Kate: Oh, ok, that explains it. I just assumed the smoke monster had eaten him instead of the pilot this time. I mean, just because we are in a loop doesn't mean things will go the way they did before, does it?

Sawyer [Looking Kate up and down]: I don't know freckles, how about you and I go look for a case and see if this time we find it while we are skinny dipping?

Kate: You sure know how to make a girl feel special, Sawyer!

Sayid: See, we are already turning to the scripts of first season, this is a proof that we truly are in a loop.

Locke: And you're wrong, Kate, you are the fugitive horse whispering monkey girl who climbs trees, Walt is the special one.

Michael: WAAALLLLTTTT!!!

Sawyer: Enough with Walt already, Daddy!

Michael [grabbing Sawyer by the shirt]: But they took my son!

Sawyer: Man, you're like a damn broken record!

Michael [to Jack]: You have to help me find my boy.

Jack: Michael is right, we need to find out what's happening.

Sawyer: Now, wait a second, before we go around looking for Nemo again. May I remind you last time we followed this Broken Record through the jungle, he had killed Ana Lulu and Moonbeam, and had led us into a trap.

Locke: James is right, there's no point in going around looking for Walt, he is…

Kate, Sawyer, Jack and Sayid [bored to death]: Yeah, yeah… He is special!

Locke: Well, Walt will be fine, and he won't be around for three years until he can pass it out as a teenager. In the meanwhile, Michael, stay alert for whispers in the jungle, they usually bring Walt, and also, if you really miss him ask the writers for some flash forwards.

_Flashback and Flash forward tune __plays as the camera closes up on Michael. It flashes to Walt and Michael walking around Manhattan, Michael is boring his son with some architect bullshit regarding the empire state building. Broken record sound effect plays and it flashes back to the island._

Jack [to Michael, angry]: What are you doing? You can't have a flash forward, this is my episode!

Michael: Sorry, man, I just really miss my boy. I guess I'll have to wait for next episode then?

Kate: Not really, next episode is Kate centric, and I'm pretty sure the next after that will be Juliet's, we always have episodes close together. And besides, you had an episode two weeks ago, everyone knows only A-team members have more than one episode per season!

Michael: That episode was a rerun, it doesn't count. You people are really ungrateful. I started working for Ben just to help you out. I died in an explosion so you Oceanic Six could get off the island safely. And all I get are insults and nicknames.

Sawyer: I got an idea for you, Mickey. Go yell Short Round's name in the jungle, maybe Smokey will hear ya and manifest him for ya!

Michael [happier]: Good idea, man! _*walks into the jungle*_ WAAAAAAALLLLLT!

Sayid: If we're lucky he'll get caught in one of Danielle's trap.

Sawyer: Ok, one problem down, next! We need to go rescue Juliet.

Locke: No, we need to find Jacob, there's something I need to do.

Sawyer [angry]: What do you mean no?! If it wasn't for Jack, Juliet and I would be rich and out of the island right about now. But, no, now she is over at Otherville, and Captain Bunny Killer must have his ugly bug eyes all over her!

Locke: And if it wasn't for Jack, the something I need to do to Jacob would be already done. _*Locke turns to Jack*_ That's what we are supposed to do, Jack! We're supposed to go find Jacob, the island told me!

Jack: Sorry, John. I know I felt guilty about not having believed you and I even gave you my daddy's shoes. But since we're back at first season, I haven't grown a beard yet and I'm not stoned on pills so this crap about destiny still doesn't make sense to me. Now I'm back to being the man of science leader of the castaways, and you'll be creepy man of faith.

Sayid: Yes, John, so why don't you go ask Boone if he wants to be a sacrifice the island demanded, this way he'll leave me and Shannon alone.

Kate: Oh, and give people that orange smile. This will help you look creepy. _*"Or stupid," Kate thinks!*_

Jack: Yeah, maybe Boone will want to go with you. We are going to the Barracks, to help get Juliet back. But first we'll get to the tail section crash site, to get Ana Lucia to help us.

Kate: Yeah, I'm sure Mr. Eko can helps us too, he's really strong! _*Kate drifts away thinking about Mr. Eko shirtless.*_

Jack: Ok, so that's it. Sayid, you go find U.S. Marshall's gun he keeps on his ankle holster and the keys for the case which are in his wallet. Sawyer you go find his case.

Sawyer and Sayid leave.

Kate: And what are we supposed to do, Jack?

Jack: First, you still have to sew my back. It wouldn't be lost if I didn't tell you the story about the time I learned to count to five.

---------------

Jack gathers everyone around the island to make a speech.

Jack: Ok, we know that there has been a reset. But if we don't live together, we are going to die alone all over again_. *Neil raises his hands*_ Yes, Frogurt?

Neil [angry]: It's Neil! You're telling me that I have lived on this island for three months, that I have travelled back and forth in time, that I have been shot in the chest with a flaming arrow, and that you people have blown up a hydrogen bomb. And you still can't come up with something better than live together die alone?!

Locke [speaking lowly]: Hey, Boone, want to come with me on a walkabout.

Boone: No way! You're not gonna sacrifice me to the island again! I'm not Isaac, and you're not Abraham, and boars are certainly not sheep!

Shannon: What is up with your creepy boyfriend now?

Boone: He wants me to go explore the jungle with him.

Shannon: Ew, spare me with the details of your kinky sex life!

Boone: You're so self-centered, you stupid little bitch, you know that?

Shannon: Whatever, I liked it better when you were dead, they wrote me better dialogues, now I have to go back to being a bimbo again.

Boone [to Locke]: Ok, let's go on this stupid journey before you tie me up in the jungle to get over my baggage.

Shannon [leaving]: Ew, ew, ew… I said I didn't want to hear about you sick sex games!

---------------

Hours later Jack, Kate, Sawyer and Sayid are talking, Jack is opening the case and passing the guns out when Hurley and Charlie come over.

Sawyer: Well, well, well, what have we got here, it's Laurel and Hardy.

Charlie: I heard you are going to go rescue Juliet, I want to come.

Jack: How many times do I have to explain to you people? Charlie, just because you drowned on the looking glass station it doesn't make you part of A-team.

Charlie: But Juliet is the one who came up with the drug to help Claire, right? I wanna make sure nothing happens to her, ok?

Hurley: Yeah, dudes I wanna go too, I like miss Libby and stuff.

Charlie [pissed]: You can't come, Hurley!

Hurley [hurt]: Why not?

Charlie: You're too big! You won't fit in the A-team!

Hurley: You're wrong, Dude. Tell him, Jack, tell him that I am more A-team material than he is. Tell him that when Locke turned the wheel the island begun to move back and forth in time and stuff. But we like weren't on the radios, and the island simply disappeared, so we got recued by Penny, and we became the Oceanic Six. The people who got left behind, kept moving in time and had nose bleeds. And the writers had to like come up with new characters, which didn't leave much screen time to the rest of the castaways so they like killed all the extras back in the 50's in a flaming arrow shooting at the beach camp!

Charlie: Hurley, you lost me on "Dude"!

Hurley[ignoring him and going on with his story]: And then when we came back Sawyer was actually LaFleur, they had been living on the seventies for three years, and Jack wanted to blow up the island and stuff. Where were you when all of that happened, Charlie?

Charlie: I was bloody visiting you in the mental institution, you lunatic.

Sawyer: Hey, no nicknames, that's part of MY job description!

Sayid: This argument is irrelevant, since Juliet detonated the bomb we were sent back to season one, and at that time A-team was Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Locke and me, and that's why they only wrote five guns. And since Locke is out looking for Jacob, Jack should decide which one of you can come.

Sawyer: What do you mean Jack should decide, I thought I was the one who called the shots now!

Kate: I vote for Charlie, if he doesn't make it into A-team now, the writers will eventually kill him off. If that happens Dominic and I won't be able to make out between takes. _*Kate winks at Charlie and he smirks at her.* _

Jack [realizing just now]: Locke went to find Jacob! This can't be good. We have to stop him.

Sayid: Don't worry, he'll probably be on an accident and break his leg, or something to do with his lower limbs. It will take a good half a season before he reaches the statue, we can be back by then.

Desmond [who comes running from the jungle]: You can't go, Charlie, you're gonna die, brotha!

Sawyer: Jesus! Where the hell did Precognitive Loch Ness Monster came from?

Desmond: I was sleeping with Penny in my arms, and then when I wake up I'm back at this sodding island!

Charlie [bored]: Tell me, mate, how am I going to die this time?

Desmond: You are going to be running in the jungle then you're going to trip and fall, and then you die!

Kate: So what's new? Every episode someone falls while running through the jungle, especially if it's Hurley who is running.

Hurley: Because I'm heavy and I get cramps! _*Everyone stares at Hurley in silence, crickets are chirping.*_

Sawyer: The world y'all are looking for is… Anyway… Are we going to go rescue Juliet or aren't we?

Jack: All right… Desmond, you stay here and watch Charlie.

Desmond: Aye!

Jack: Hurley, you can come with us!

Hurley [giving Jack a polar bear hug and lifting him off his feet]: Thank you, dude!

Desmond: Come on brotha, I'll take care of you.

Charlie [annoyed]: Why do you care so much?

Desmond: Because I love you, brotha, I even named my son after you.

Charlie [shocked]: Des, have you been playing with Virgin Marry statues that John hid on the armory of the hatch?

Desmond [ignoring Charlie's question]: Let's go Charlie, good luck to you on your A-mission. See you in another life!

_Charlie and Desmond leave__._

Sawyer: Good riddance to you too, brotha from anotha motha!

---------------

After A-team left to go on their glorious A-mission, Charlie got a little bored and took Desmond out for a walk.

Charlie: We are almost there, mate.

Desmond: Where are you taking me, brotha?

Charlie: By the way you were acting earlier I thought you might like it. _*They arrive at the place that the Nigerian beach craft crashed.*_ Here we are!

Desmond: What's so great about this place?

Charlie [excited]: Up there on that beach craft there is a stash of Virgin Mary Statues to last for a bloody lifetime! _*Desmond is silent as if having flashes*_ Come on, let's go! _*Charlie starts to climb*_

Desmond: I'm not sure that's such a good idea. I just saw you climb up that cliff, get inside the beach craft, then it falls and you die!

Charlie: You're having a flash about the wrong midget, mate, wrong midget!


	2. Episode – 602

**6.0****2 - When geek shows collide**

**Author's Note:** I brought a character from another show to this chapter, but I won't consider this a crossover because the jokes will make sense even to those who never watched the other show that happens to be Heroes. All you need to know about the character is that his name is Matt Parkman, he reads minds and is played by Greg Grunberg. Does the name ring any bells? Google him and you'll understand.

---------------

Boone and Locke are tracking through the jungle.

Boone: Where are we going anyway?

Locke: As usually, Jack jumped into action without thinking and completely ignored that there is a pilot stuck in the cockpit still alive. _*They arrive at the cockpit*_ I want you to go up there and save the pilot.

Boone: I'm not going up there, no way!

Locke: What's wrong?

Boone: Last time you asked me to do something like this, the beach craft fell down, and Psycho Jack wanted to chop off my leg! Because he has that thing, you know? Where he has to fix everything.

Locke: I promise this isn't going to happen this time because A) Jack, Kate and Charlie came here the first time and that didn't happen. B) In case it does happen I will be sure to kill you before I let Jack chop off your leg. And C) Jack is off to find the tail section survivors, so you don't have to worry about that.

Boone [sarcastically]: Ok, you convinced me! How do I know that thing isn't going to attack me instead of the pilot this time?

Locke: Because A) You won't be stupid enough to put your head out of the window. B) The island isn't done with you yet. And C) We are early, the monster will only come here tomorrow.

Boone: The monster might be around, and how do you know the island isn't done with me yet? For all I know the island was done with me three years ago, and Jack just reset everything. And the monster is like a time police, it wants me to die because it knows I'm supposed to be dead?

Locke: Because A) You…

Boone: Enough with the ABCs, man!

Locke: Then go already!

Boone: All right, fine! Maybe after we rescue the pilot you'll leave me alone.

Boone climbs up the cockpit while Locke stays outside to be look out. Boone opens the door and a corpse falls out knocking John Locke unconscious. Boone laughs out loud at John's misfortune, he goes to the pilot and slaps him awake.

Pilot: Did it work? Is she safe?

Boone: Man, what are you talking about?

Pilot: Where am I?

Boone: You're on the plane. It just crashed… Again… You died the first time, but I'm here to help you.

Pilot: Where's Claire, is she safe? What about Molly? Tell me Molly is ok!

Boone: I don't know about Molly, but Claire is safe, and very much pregnant.

Pilot [Confused]: Pregnant? Wait, how long was I out?

Boone [The pilot is looking at him weird]: Why are you looking at me as if you're trying to read my mind?

Pilot: Because duh, that's what I do. Except, I can't do this anymore, I don't know why. Maybe it has something to do with my father.

Boone: Oh, great, I just rescued another character with daddy's issues.

Pilot: No, you don't know my father, he's a very dangerous man!

Boone: Yeah, well, maybe you should talk to Penny and Alex, those two know what's like to have dangerous fathers.

They hear the smoke monster roaring. Boone stares widely around him, he wants to run for his life.

Pilot: What the hell is that?

Locke: BOONE! Is everything all right, is the pilot ok?

Boone: He's fine, just a little shook up! _*The pilot get to his feet and move to the window*_ Oh, no, not this time.

Boone grabs the pilot's arm, and they rush out of the cockpit. The three of them run through the jungle and find a banyan-tree to hide inside. The monster passes them by, knocking down a few trees on the process.

---------------

Meanwhile… A-team spent one and a half episodes walking through the jungle when they finally arrive at the tail section. To their surprise, Goodwin is tied up to a tree while Ana Lucia interrogates him feeling excited to be back doing Cop stuff. They explain what they think is happening.

Jack: …so basically, we are in a loop.

Bernard: Do you think it's random that we got sent back to the day of the crash?

Mr. Eko [cryptically and creepy]: Don't mistake coincidence for fate!

Goodwin: A loop huh, is that why Ana Lucia knew who I was?

Ana Lucia: Let me explain something to you, Goodwin. I say walk, you walk, I say jump, you jump, I say shut up, what do you say? _*Goodwin doesn't answer*_ Good, so we're clear.

Goodwin: I'm sorry Ana, but I can't play submissive to you dominant alpha female complex right now. If Ben doesn't hear from me soon he will realize that something is wrong and you people won't be happy when he does.

Sawyer: I want him to find out something is wrong, as a matter of fact, I want him to come here so I can finish the job Sayid started back in the seventies.

Kate [confused]: I thought you agreed with Juliet that Ben needed to live?

Sawyer: That was then, when he was a kid, now I won't be sorry if the smoke monster eats him.

Goodwin: Juliet?! You people know Juliet?

Sawyer: Why? You friends with her, Curious George?

Goodwin: We're more than friends, pal!

Sawyer [angry]: What is that supposed to mean?

Goodwin [with a smug smile]: Look who is being curious now.

Sawyer: Yeah, well, I'm the one with the gun, and you're tied up to a three. Now how about you start talking?

Goodwin: I would love to, but Ana Lucia here told me to shut up. And I believe I'm her prisoner, not yours!

---------------

Pilot: What the hell was that?

Locke: You don't remember it? The monster killed you the first time.

Pilot: The first time what? What are you talking about? You guys make no sense and I can't use my powers anymore.

Boone: What do you think is wrong with him? Why doesn't he remember it?

Locke: Maybe people who got killed by the monster don't remember, at least that is what I think the island is telling me.

Boone [to the pilot]: So you and Claire close, huh?

Pilot: No, I was just told that I needed to save her.

Locke [stunned]: You were told, oh, my God, Boone, he's special! Who told you, was it the island?

Pilot: Island… What? No… Isaac Mendez, he painted a picture of Claire dying, I was supposed to save the cheerleader so I could save the word. Why do you say I'm special, are you special too? Do you have powers?

Boone [to Locke]: Oh, yes, and he thinks he can read people's mind.

Pilot: I could, I can't anymore, and I think it has something to do with my father?

Locke: Why? Did he push you out of a window too?

Pilot: No he… He walked out on me and my mother when I was little._ *starts crying* _

Boone: What a sissy! He cries as easily as Jack!

Pilot: And I did the same thing I walked out on my pregnant wife, because she told me the baby wasn't mine, but I could read her mind and I knew she was lying, but I walked out anyway, because I wanted to protect her_. *he is weeping now* _But she doesn't know that I was trying to protect her, and she knows that I can read minds, she knows that I know that she is lying, and she thinks that I walked out on them!

Boone: Yes, it's true what they say, you can't be on lost if don't have a messed up life!

Locke [patting the pilot's back for comfort]: Calm down, everything will be fine once you learn to let go of your past. But we'll cross that bridge when we get to it, for now, why don't you tell me your name. We can't go around calling you the pilot-who-got-eat-by-the-monster-in-the-pilot-but-got-rescued-after-the-reset-and-has-been-acting-weird-since!

Pilot: Name is Parkman, Matt Parkman.

Locke: All right, Matt, what if I tell you I know how to save the word and help you cope with your daddy's issue? Do you want to go on a walkabout with us?

---------------

Later that day, the night is falling, Hurley and Libby find a private place to make out.

Hurley [kissing Libby's neck]: you smell so good.

Libby: You say that now, wait until a few days, remember, us tallies never got to find our luggage and we had to wear the same clothes for more than 40 days.

Hurley: Yeah, but you still looked mega cute on those dirty clothes!

Libby [giggling]: Well, thank you. You know? I think that Ana kind of got a little crazy because of that, even after we arrived at the beach camp she still refused to change clothes. Maybe that's why Michael shot her, because she was stinking.

Hurley: Libby, it's the first time I see you in three years, I don't want to be talking about Ana's wardrobe choices.

Libby: Ok, honey. _*She hugs him and nibbles on his ear.* _

Hurley: You called me honey!

Libby [whispering on his ear]: So… Say something dirty!

Hurley [uncomfortable]: I… huh… I'm not… you know… romantic.

Libby: Just give it a try. _*She looks deep into his eyes, Hurley thinks for a moment.*_

Hurley: I want to… to… spread you with jelly and lick it off of your body!

Libby [with a sexy voice]: What else?

Hurley: Then you'll put whipped cream on me and…

Libby: Lick it off your body… Does it always have to be with food?

Hurley: Food and a hot chick, what more could I ask for?


	3. Episode – 603

**6.0****3 - The One With Jacob's Sons**

**Author's Note:** This is my favorite chapter and, in my opinion, it's really funny. I hope that you guys like it too, and I also hope to get the numbers of reviews a little higher. So please, if you're reading, leave a review. I don't bite. And reviews put a smile on my face!

Since I had so much fun bringing Matt Parkman to the story, I thought I should continue bringing characters from other shows. This chapter guest stars Joey Tribbiani, from FRIENDS, and all you need to know about the character, if you really never watched FRIENDS, is that he is an actor, obsessed with three things, food, girls and girl on girl action. And also, he's not very smart.

Ok, so this chapter goes to **Priiscila**, because we Brazilian chicks rock. =] And also, because she likes FRIENDS. Mondler & Suliet forever. Hey, Prii, I hope that you post a review after this. =P

---------------

After discussing it a lot, the A-team decided to use Goodwin as a blackmail material, despite Goodwin insisting that Ben would love the idea of getting him out of the way again. But they didn't care. At least Goodwin had the code for the sonar fences. Bernard and the rest of the none A-team characters of the tail section moved to the beach camp while the others made it to the barracks.

Once they arrived there, there was a shooting that looked more like children playing cowboys and Indians in the backyard. Until Ben decided to stop the shooting before they begun to kill the important characters since all the extras had already been shot and were now dead.

Ben: All right, I think we should now listen to what each other have to say.

Sayid: The day that I start trusting you will be the day that I would have sold my soul.

Kate: Sayid, stop, it's not season four yet!

Sayid: Why, I think it is, we already found out that Juliet and Goodwin were knocking boots.

Sawyer: And by the way, Blondie, a married man, I thought that was so sexy of you!

Ben [aiming a gun at him]: You don't talk to her like that or I'll kill you.

Sawyer: I don't think you'll want to do that, George. You'll have to experience the rage of all those fans of Skate, Suliet, Sassidy, Sana and ConMamma, yeah I got a lot of those.

Goodwin: George, I thought I was George! You're not really creative, are you? Jules, care to explain why you chose this guy after dating me?

Sawyer: It's George from Of Mice and Men, Stupidwin, don't you read?

Ben: If you two keep addressing to my Juliet like that…

Juliet: You're Juliet?!

Ben: Yes, you're mine, deal with it! _*Turns to Goodwin and Sawyer*_Anyway, if you two continue to act like this, I'm going to start a thread on the boards and ship the two of together. Can you picture it GoodCon, they shared the same woman, now they share each other.

Sawyer: You don't have the guts!

Ben [to himself]: Can you imagine how many M rated fictions they would write about the two of you? I would have Juliet all to myself.

Sawyer and Goodwin look at each other as they think about the prospect than they look away angry.

Juliet: Ben, do you want to start another ship war on the boards. The Sulieteers would be so pissed, they know I have James's back even in my sleep. _*Stares at Sawyer dreamy, he smiles smugly.* _

Goodwin: Jules, why are you acting like this? What about us?

Jules: I'm sorry Goodwin, but… It's been three years, and look at him, he is so hot.

Ben: Juliet would you compose yourself, you're making all Benliet fans really mad. What does looks got to do with anything? It's brains that count. And even if it doesn't count to you, I would come up with a twisted plan and you would be mine in the end!

Jack: Can we stop with this argument, I haven't even spoken yet! _*Everyone rolls their eyes at this*_ Ben, you said you wanted to talk, well, let's hear it.

Ben: Before you reset things I had just killed Jacob because John made me, and I was supposed to follow his orders. But now I hear that Jacob is fine just like all the people who died before the reset. This time I want to help Jacob before John gets to him. So I asked the magic box for help. Do you want to see what came out of it?

Kate [whispering to Juliet]: What magic box?

Juliet: Oh, just a metaphorical box that was mentioned in one of the episodes back at season three and then nobody ever talked about it again and it was just forgotten.

Jack: Ok, Ben, let's see what came out of it. Maybe I'll get more lines if I get into an argument with you.

Ben leads everyone to his house, there's a man tied up to a chair with a gag in his mouth, the better looking cast sit on the couch and chairs while the rest of the cast fades into the background, except for Ben, that's not really attractive, but nonetheless important. Ben takes the man's gag off.

Man: Dude, where the hell am I?

Hurley [to Libby]: Seems like a nice guy to me!

Jack: You were manifested through a magic box because you have answers to what is happening in the island and how we can help Jacob.

Man [confused]: Island, Jacob, as in Lost?

Mr. Eko: So you do know where you are?

Man: I guess…

Mr. Eko: What is your name?

Man: Joey Tribbiani. Is this some kind of audition? Estelle never said anything about Lost.

Mr. Eko: I think I know what we are supposed to do.

Ben: Just like that? What is it like, Mr. Eko? The knowing, did it come upon you or did you have to cut your beard in front of me to know?

Mr. Eko [ignoring Ben]: Yes, it makes perfect sense now, and it would if you people read the bible. I told John to read the bible once, but he mistook it for coincidence that the piece of movie were in the book of laws, instead of believing in fate and he never read the bible like he was supposed to.

Jack: Ok, Eko, why don't you enlighten us, then?

Mr. Eko [happy to be talking about religious stuff]: In the bible, Isaac was the only son of Abraham and Sarah, which is also the name of Jack's ex-wife. One day God asks Abraham to sacrifice his son, Isaac, on Mount Moriah. Abraham sets out to obey God's command without questioning. After Isaac is bound to an altar, the angel of God stops Abraham at the last minute, at which point Abraham discovers a ram caught in some nearby bushes. Abraham then sacrifices the ram instead of Isaac.

Ben: What does this have to do with anything?

Richard: Patience, Ben! How many times do I have to tell you that you have to be patient?

Mr. Eko: Isaac later had two sons with Rebecca, they were twins. Their names were Jacob and Esau. Jacob was a farmer while Esau was a hunter. Esau was the first born, but with his mother's help Jacob tricked him into giving away his birth right for a plate of stew. Rebecca told Jacob his blind father would mistake him for Esau if he wore goatskins because Esau was hairy, and so mother and son deceived Isaac into blessing Jacob instead of Esau. Jacob had twelve sons and one daughter, his offspring became the twelve tribes of Israel.

Jack: So, what you're saying is that it's all happening according to the bible? _*Mr. Eko nods*_ Then tell us what happens next!

Mr. Eko: Jacob had six sons with Leah, with whom he also had his daughter Dinah. He had two sons with Bilhah a handmaid, two sons with Zilpah another handmaid, and then he had his two last sons with the real love of his life, and the woman who so far had troubles getting pregnant, Rachel.

Juliet: MY SISTER! Does this mean that Jacob is my brother-in-law?

Mr. Eko: Rachel's sons' names were Joseph _*Eko points at Joey*_ and Benjamin. _*he points at Ben*_

There was silence in the room.

Ben [in the verge of tears]: I'm Jacob's son!

Juliet [shocked]: I'm Ben's aunt!

Joey: Holly mother of God, I'm Jesus' father!

Mr. Eko: Actually no, that's a different Joseph, Joey. You're the one whose brothers sold you for money.

Ben: Is that why the magic box gave us him? Do all the sons of Jacob need to make an alliance to stop John, who is apparently Esau, from killing Jacob?

Mr. Eko: I suppose!

Jack [to Joey]: Is that what we are supposed to do?

Joey: How the hell do I know? I never read the bible!

Jack: But the magic box sent you here. That must mean you have the answers to our problems.

Joey: Look, I don't even pay attention to the show, all right? I just watch it because I ship Kuliet. _*Kate and Juliet look at him stunned. Joey smiles looking them up and down.*_ How you doing?

---------------

Locke leads the way to Jacob's statue, while Boone and Matt walked behind him talking.

Matt: So where are we going?

Boone: See, Locke is crazy just like you, he thinks that the island talks to him.

Matt: He talks to the island! I've seen cheerleaders that heal really fast, I've seen hyper active Japanese guys that travel in time while they make faces as if they are in the bathroom, I even saw psychopath dudes that cut open your head to steal your brain and powers. But that's got to be the stupidest power ever.

Boone: Yeah, well, the island told Locke that he needs to kill Jacob.

Matt: Will killing Jacob save the cheerleader?

Boone [shrugging]: I don't know! What matters is that if we don't stick with Locke, there's a really great chance that we'll get killed off. Do you want that to happen?

Matt: I guess that's a good thing I'm a cop.

Boone: I thought you were the pilot. This show just gets weirder by the minute.

---------------

The castaways and the others spend good two hours explaining to Joey all the weird things that happened in the island in order for Joey to give them answers and orientations regarding what to do next. Joey listens to them carefully, but finds it hard to conclude anything.

Joey: Ok, let me see if I got this right. Jack loves and was engaged to Kate, she loves him too, but she also loves Sawyer. Kate and Sawyer had wild sex in a cage in the middle of jungle while other people watched and taped.

Ben [proud]: Yes we taped them. I posted the Skex video on youtube.

Sawyer: You perverts!

Joey: Jack saw Kate and Sawyer together, and to prove to Kate he didn't need her he started to make out with Juliet. Juliet fell in love with Jack, but he still loved Kate, so when Kate and Jack got out of the island Juliet turned to Sawyer for comfort. And now Sawyer loves Juliet, but he still has feelings for Kate. Juliet also slept with Goodwin, and he was married to that hot chick over there.

Harper: Hot chick, did you hear that, Juliet?

Joey: But Ben was obsessed with his auntie Juliet.

Juliet: I'm not his aunt!

Ben: And for the record, Juliet is still mine!

Joey: So Ben sent Goodwin out to the tail section crash site hoping that he would die, but he got really interested in Ana Lucia. Who also liked Jack and who had sex with Sawyer to steal his gun, and Sawyer cried when she died.

Sawyer: Hey, I did not cry, I was emotional, ok? The woman was hot and she had conned me! She was the women of my dreams.

Kate [angry in unison with Juliet]: Sawyer!

Juliet [angry in unison with Kate]: James!

Sawyer: She was, she ISN'T anymore!

Kate & Juliet: Then who is?

Sawyer [is silent for a while then turns to Joey]: You were saying?

Joey: And then after the incident there was a reset and now Kate and Juliet realized they are in love with each other.

Kate: Hey!

Juliet: That did not happen!

Sawyer [under his breath]: Would make my life much easier if it did!

Juliet [to Sawyer]: What did you say?

Sawyer: Nothing… Yes, J-Man, that's what happened.

Kate: Everything, but the last thing you said!

Joey: Then I know where the hell we are! _*Everyone waits in silence for his answer*_ This is paradise, people! Freedom and love!

No one is satisfied with Joey's answer, so he tells them he has an idea how to make things better. He says that besides being an actor he is also a screen writer, so he would write the next episode and make things ok. He left for a little while then came back with two pieces of paper in hand, he asked Jack to be Man #01 and Ben to be Man #02.

Joey: I'll narrate! 'It's typical Dharma Initiative yellow bungalow, survivors and others are hanging out.'

Jack: 'Hey man!'

Ben [looking at Joey stunned at his stupidity, but reads his part anyway.]: 'What is up?'

Jack: 'Look man, I know we have our differences, but Jacob needs our help!'

Ben: 'Yes, you are right, I have been a' _*stops to check twice what he just read*_ 'I have been a _psycoholicit_ monster. But I realize it's time we put our differences aside to help Jacob.'

Jack: We get it Joey! You want us to help Jacob.

Ben: All right people, we leave for the statue first thing it the morning. Jacob's destiny is in our hands.

---------------

Later that night Joey sits with Kate and Juliet. He had just written a new episode.

Joey: 'It's a mysterious island, two girls are handcuffed together walking through the jungle. They hear a weird mechanical noise and run, they trip falling into a pit of mud, and finally find cover in a banyan-tree.' _*Joey point at Kate for her to say her lines.* _

Kate: 'God Tiffany, I'm so scared!'

Juliet: 'Here, let me hold you and make it better.' She holds her, running her hands through her back and then she cups her… JOEY! This is disgusting I'm not going to read this.

Kate [mad]: What the hell is wrong with you?!

They get up and storm out leaving a disappointed Joey behind.

Joey: Come back here, you'll like Kuliet, I promise, it's the new Jate!

---------------

**A question to KaydenceRei and kab16, how do you two Sarahs feel about the possibility of being Jacob's granny?**


	4. Episode – 604

**6.0****4 – In Smokey Veritas!**

**Author's note:** Ok, so this chapter goes to **KaydenceRei,** for putting Amy's theory in my head, now I can't shake it off, I hope she's feeling better. And also to **Ilayda**, because I added a part on this chapter just upon her request, I hope she likes it!

Oh, and thanks for everyone who's reading and reviewing. 21 reviews, yay, it's already legal for this fic to drink! =] And in order to celebrate it, let's have some of our characters get drunk.

---------------

After a day of walking through the jungle, Ethan finally reaches the beach camp, the night was already falling. He is ready to blend in, pretend he was on the flight, that he woke up on the jungle. But as he walked into the beach, something was really wrong.

Claire [frightened and pointing at him]: Ethan!

Everyone turned to face a stunned Ethan. So this people did remember him! He was going to kill Ben this time.

Jin: Ethan… Others… OTHERS!

Sun: You speak English now, Jin.

Jin: Oh, yes, thanks for reminding me Sun!

Ethan starts to run into the jungle, Jin and Paulo run after him and soon they manage to get a hold of him. They bring Ethan in and handcuff him to the plane wreckage with Kate's cuffs.

Claire: How do you have the guts to come back here?

Ethan: I thought you guys didn't remember, and I'm here because I need to help you and the baby.

Claire: What a bunch of crap, you gotta be thankful Charlie isn't here.

Ethan: Oh, I'm scared, what would he do, stab me with an invisible pot of Peanut Butter?

Paulo: Claire is right. We need to do something with him.

Claire: Yeah, but what?

Sun: It's not like Sayid is here to torture him with pointy sticks for answers.

Arzt: Or Jack to torture him with his daddy's issues stories.

Niki: Or Sawyer to give him a new offensive nickname.

Ethan: Are you saying that without A-team, you guys can't think things out for yourselves?

Neil [annoyed]: Let's just kill this guy, I bet he was one of the people who shot me with a flaming arrow.

Paulo: And kill him how, Frogurt?

Neil: It's Neil, you dumbass.

Rose: Aren't we being a little heist here? Shouldn't we give him the benefit of the doubt?

Jin: All right, you heard the lady, what are you doing here?

Ethan: Isn't it obvious? I am here for the same reason I was the first time. I'm here to watch over Claire, because pregnant women die on this island.

Claire: But I didn't die the first time.

Ethan: Because I gave you the medication that Juliet designed.

Suddenly they hear the smoke monster roaring deep into the jungle, everyone turns to look as the monster knocks down trees. Ethan smiles as he has an idea.

Niki: That thing is still out there?!

Shannon: No, that was a very hungry boar, Jeez, how stupid are you?

Niki [in mocking surprise]: Shannon made a joke! _*Niki shoves Shannon*_ Get lost, you little bitch!

Shannon [starting to cry like a little girl]: Why does everybody call me little bitch?

Rose: Calm down girls, I'm sure if you let the monster be it won't be a problem, he never attacked us on the beach there's no reason to start worrying now.

Ethan [smugly]: I know what that thing is!

Paulo [interested]: You do?

Ethan: Yeah, of course I do, I was born on this island, I know everything about it.

Claire: Ok, then tell us!

Ethan: I'll tell you if you let me go. I promise I won't run away!

The castaways look at each other then agree to let him lose.

---------------

Joey, Hurley, Juliet, Sawyer, Ben, Amelia and Tom are at the recreation center, they are playing snooker.

Amelia: I can't believe you didn't recognize me.

Juliet: Well, to be honest, you did look familiar, but you were thirty years younger.

Amelia: And when did you know for sure?

Juliet: When you named your son Ethan.

Amelia: That's right, I remember the look on your face when you found out.

Juliet: Yeah, it was the weirdest thing. That's why you always took so much interest on me when I first came to the island, right?

Amelia: Of course, it really was weird, because you looked younger then I remember and I was so much older than I used to be when we were friends.

Juliet: Explain something to me though, Amy.

Amelia: Yeah…

Juliet: Why does your son look like he's forty five, when he is actually twenty seven?

Ben [chuckling]: It's one of the powers of the island. You grow old faster than normal. Like Walt in the end of season two, he looked to have aged two years when he had only aged three months.

Juliet: Is that why you looked fifty when you were twenty years old the time you kidnapped Alex?

Ben: That is why, Juliet!

Sawyer: Rapid aging, it doesn't make any sense!

Ben: Of course it does, Richard never gets old because of this. The island sucks the youth out of us and gives it to Richard.

Sawyer: Stupid never ageing son of a bitch!

Hurley sees that Joey left his plate of crackers unattended as Joey concentrated on his next move. So Hurley takes opportunity to snatch one for himself, Joey catches him red handed.

Joey [angry]: JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD!

Hurley: Oops, sorry, dude! _*puts the cracker back*_

---------------

Desmond and Charlie were walking back to the beach, but it was night and they got lost. As they walk in the dark jungle, they both hear something knocking down trees.

Charlie [stoned]: That's bloody fantastic!

Desmond [also stoned]: What is, brotha?

Charlie: My first island hallucination.

Desmond: I don't think that was a hallucination, I think it was Cerberus.

Charlie: Cerebellum what?

Desmond: Cerberus, the smoke monster.

Another tree is knocked down really near them, they hear two people running towards them screaming, it's Bonne and Matt.

Charlie: Des, I'm too stoned, I'm seeing a gay couple running in the jungle.

Boone [getting near them]: Run, you junkie moron, it's the smoke monster!

Desmond and Charlie begin to run with the two of them.

Desmond: Where the bloody hell is Locke? Wasn't he with you?

Matt: He stayed behind, said that he wanted to look into the eye of the island.

Boone: He just stayed behind to make love with that thing! Now, less talking, more running.

Charlie trips and falls, but he get stuck, he can't get up.

Charlie: Oh, bollocks, that's how I'm gonna die, isn't it?

Desmond hears him and comes back for him. Boone and Matt keep running.

Desmond: I'm not gonna let you die brotha!

He frees Charlie and they run to another direction.

---------------

Ben puts Juliet, James, Jack and Kate to share a bungalow together.

Sawyer: Yeah, I guess it was about time?

Jack: About time what?

Sawyer: Someone put us in a room together and locked us up until we decided for once and for all who loves whom.

Kate: We're not locked up.

Juliet: No, but there was plenty of other houses, and yet they put you with us.

Jack: I don't see the problem.

Juliet: The problem is that there are only two bedrooms.

Jack and Kate still didn't understand the problem.

Sawyer: It's a metaphor… Who is going to sleep with whom, who loves whom, get it?

Kate: Oh!

Sawyer: She's slower than a blonde!

Juliet: Hey!

Sawyer: Sorry, Blondie, I know that you are a different kind of blonde!

Jack: It's not really a problem, you two were living together, you get one room, Kate sleeps on the other room and I'll sleep on the couch.

Juliet: Now you are just sucking all of the fun! The fans want to see us getting in a heated discussion.

Sawyer: They want jealousy, betray, angst, tears, love, make up sex, happy ending…

Kate: Ok, then how about this, Juliet and me will share a bedroom, you two the other one.

Sawyer: And give the Jawyers crazy ideas, now way, I'm tired of male pregnancies! Why does it always have to be me who gets pregnant?

Juliet: Kate's idea could work. It would give us chance to have a girl talk about the two of you, at the same time that it would give you chance to fight about the two of us.

Sawyer: I still don't like this idea.

Jack: No, Saywer, this could work, just let me negotiate.

Juliet and Kate wait intrigued for Jack to continue.

Jack: If you two sleep in the same bedroom, is there going to be a naked pillow fight?

Juliet [irritated]: Good night, Jack!

The women turn their back on the two of them and leave to their bedroom.

Jack: A pillow fight on you undies then!

They slam the door on Jack's face.

Jack: Just a regular pillow fight, please!

---------------

Joey is put in Richard's house.

Richard: Look, I'm sorry Ben put you to sleep in my house even though there are plenty of others available. But you know, he's our leader, and if I understood his motives I wouldn't have so little screen time.

Joey: Don't worry, dude, I have ten years of experience with roommates, we're gonna have a lot of fun.

Richard: Really, what do you suggest?

Joey: Well, a good way to spend time is to sit around on a coffee house sipping coffee and talking about our DOA love life. You know, I'm there for you, because you there for me too.

Richard [sarcastically]: That sounds interesting, but we don't have a coffee house.

Joey: Oh, then I guess we can sit on the couch drinking beer watching Baywatch.

Richard: No cable, and the only beers we have are 30 years old.

Joey: Man, that's sad, what do you people do to have fun around here?

Richard: We do book club meetings.

Joey: Well, I guess we can talk about books, have you read "The Shinning?"

Richard: No, but I think Juliet might have.

Joey: Great, she and I would have a lot to talk about.

Richard: Sorry, I guess the author's attempt isn't working.

Joey: What do you mean?

Richard: Oh, it's just that Ilayda asked for more scenes with me, and the author tried to write some, but…

Joey: We can sit on the couch and talk, what do you think?

Richard: Good let's try that. _*They sit on the couch*_

Joey: So, this Ilayda person, she's your fan, huh?

Richard: Oh, yeah, she's the nicest person, on one of her fics she gave me a wife and baby.

Joey: How nice of her, or else you'd have to share Juliet or Kate with the rest of the male characters.

Richard: Yeah, probably! _*Richard starts undoing the buttons on his shirt*_

Joey [noticing Richard's action]: Hey, dude, what the hell are you doing?!

Richard [stops in the middle of his task]: Oh, and Ilayda also asked for some shirtless Richard.

Joey: NO WAY, you're not taking your clothes in front of me!

Richard: But I have been working out really hard this hiatus ever since they told me Nestor Carbonell would be a regular on season six. I didn't want to disappoint my fans. I want to show off my body a little.

Joey: I don't care, she's gonna have to wait some more chapters.

Richard [buttoning up]: Fine!

Joey: Jeez, does her husband know she's been asking for shirtless Richard?

Richard [shrugging]: What matters is that she thinks I'm smoking hot!

---------------

At the beach everyone sits around a fire.

Paulo: You said you knew about the smoke monster, now talk.

Ethan: Its name is Cerberus.

Ethan didn't say anything else.

Claire: Is that all you know?

Ethan: No I know more, I just made a dramatic pause… _*Ethan sighs*_ When Juliet was in the seventies, there was an incident. They were drilling the Swan hole and when the pocket of electromagnetism was breached, everything metal started to get sucked in. Metal chains wrapped around Juliet's waist and dragged her to the bottom of the hole where she detonated a bomb and died. When Cerberus attacks, there's the chain sound and the mechanical noise, he grabs people by the waist and drags then into holes in the floor. Just like what happened in the incident to Juliet…

Rose: Are you really saying what I think you're saying?

Ethan: Juliet died and became the smoke monster.

Claire [scared]: Really, I thought the smoke monster was a security system… I hate ghosts, where's Charlie? Charlie!

Rose [hugging Claire]: Calm down, honey. The guy is just messing with you. _*Rose glares angry at Ethan* _How can you tell a pregnant girl things like that?

Ethan: I've done worse. I dragged her through the jungle in the pouring rain and hung her boyfriend.

Paulo [kind of scared too]: So it's really true? The smoke is a ghost? _*Ethan doesn't answer, he's looking past him with fear on his face.* _What? _*Paulo asks more scared than ever.*_

Ethan [Pointing behind Paulo, he says almost whispering.]: It's Juliet!

Paulo turns suddenly, and when he sees a tall blond woman he screams terrified. Claire screams too, and Ethan burst out laughing.

Joanna: It's me, Paulo, Joanna!

Paulo [out of breath]: Oh, God, you scared the hell out of me!

Ethan: You needed to see the look on your face. _*laughs some more*_ That's just a stupid fan theory, Juliet didn't die, she was alive before I left the barracks this morning.

Claire [angry]: Then why the hell did you tell us that story?

Ethan [still laughing]: Because I thought it would be fun, and it was!

Sun: Ethan, tell us the truth, do you really know what the monster is?

Ethan [taking a calming breath]: Ok, I'm getting there, relax… The smoke monster is… _*drums drumming* _Vincent!

Shannon: Vincent as in Walt's smelly dog, or as in the guy who chopped off his ear?

Arzt [sarcastic]: Wow, Shannon, you know who Vincent Van Gogh is?

Shannon: Don't start with me, Leslei!

Neil: It's Neil, God Dammit!

Everyone starts at him speechless.

Neil: Oh, you weren't talking to me, sorry…

Paulo: Anyway, the monster is a cute friendly dog?

Ethan: Yes, yes, he is…

Jin: That explains why he's always missing.

Rose: Why it never attacked Bernard and me when we were living out in the jungle.

They start to discuss what to do with Vincent when he appears on the beach. Then Claire screams again.

Rose: Honey, there's no need to fear, Ethan was just kidding.

Claire: No, I think I'm in labor.

Ethan [smug]: See, if I wasn't here, what would you guys have done?

---------------

Juliet, James, Jack and Kate are drunk playing truth and dare with an empty bottle of wine forgotten on the coffee table, it was Jack's turn to ask and Kate's turn to answer.

Jack: All right, Kate, the question we've all been waiting for. Who do you love?

Kate: I love my father Sam, my high school sweetheart Tom, agent Edward Mars, my ex husband Kevin…

An hour later, Juliet is spinning the bottle bored, Jack is concentrated on how Kate's boobs bounce slightly as she talks and Sawyer is dozing off.

Kate: … I love Cassidy because she's my best friend, and Clementine because she calls me auntie Kate. And of course I love Aaron as if he was my own son. I love Jack even though he's annoying, and last but not least, I love Sawyer and Juliet. That's it, that's all the people I love.

Jack elbows Sawyer awake.

Juliet [emotional]: You love me?

Kate [embarrassed]: Well, I had to tell the truth, right?

Jack: Not the WHOLE truth, we really just wanted to know if you love Sawyer or me, but thanks for clearing that up.

They play a few more turns, until Sawyer dares Juliet to have a pillow fight with Kate like Jack had suggested earlier. Soon Juliet has the upper hand, beating with a pillow a giggling Kate who is lying on the floor too drunk to make a move.

Kate [between giggles]: All right, stop, stop, I surrender!

Sawyer [aroused by the scene]: This is great! We should all like throw away all that Jate, Skate, Jacket, Suliet bullshit, and be happy the four of us together!

Kate: We could be like a really big ship.

Juliet: Let me come up with a name… I know… how about J3K? It rolls off the tongue… J3k, J3k, J3k… I said it three times fast!

Kate [rolling her eyes]: That's stupid…

Juliet: Thanks Miss Trip-and-fall-every-other-episode. Tell us, why the hell are you so clumsy? Now, THAT is stupid!

* * *

**Next week on After the Boom:** 6.05 – It's a job for…

_Alex: That's smart of you, Jack, didn't expect more from you._

_Ben: Alex?!_

_Michael [from the jungle]: WAAAAALLLLLLLLLLT!_


	5. Episode – 605

**6.0****5 - ****It's a job for…**

**Author's Note: **This chapter is to **hjr**, because there's lots of Walt!

---------------

The survivors arrive at the statue, they are now working together with the Others to try and stop John from trying to kill Jacob again.

Richard: I think I should go inside and talk to Jacob alone.

Ben: But I want to see Jacob, he's my father!

Richard: Well, Ben, last time you met Jacob you committed Patricide.

Sawyer: Committed what?!

Richard: When one kills his own father. Frankly, LaFluer, for somebody who reads a lot you're not that clever.

Goodwin [laughing]: Give me five, Richard! _*Richard and Goodwin high five*_

Kate [emotional]: You killed you own father?

Ben [nodding and getting emotional]: Yes!

Kate: Why?

Ben [sniffing]: All my life I was loyal to him, I did what he told me to do and I was always very patient. But he ignored me, he didn't want to see me, he kept me on arms length, and he gave me cancer! And then my daughter was killed because of my loyalty to him. I was scared, feeling betrayed!

Kate [with tears in her eyes]: I understand!

Everyone watches speechless as Kate hugs Ben.

Ben [crying]: You do understand, don't you? You're father was horrible to you too, wasn't he? He abused your mother and you. You killed him too, didn't you?

Kate [crying]: I did! Oh, Ben, I never realized that we are not that different. I mean, your other father Roger beat you up, and you killed him too. Then you loved Alex as if she was your own daughter, just like I loved Aaron.

Ben and Kate kiss.

Sawyer: What the hell just happened?

Jack: I think I'm going to be sick.

Libby: What's so great about these two women that they need to be loved by the same men? Jesus, if they are running out of female characters, don't go around killing them all!

Goodwin: Suddenly, I'm really interested on Kate!

Harper: Goodwin, stop looking at other women, you have a wife!

Harper hits Goodwin with an umbrella that has appeared from nowhere, they leave to go back to the barracks.

Libby: I'm leaving too, I don't have to stay here while they focus on Kate and Juliet and ignore all the other female characters.

Hurley watches Libby go, he wants to follow her, but he stays behind because he doesn't want to walk anymore. Ana-Lucia leaves too, angry that she hasn't had a line since chapter two. They finally stop kissing, Ben looks at Kate stunned.

Ben: I remember you!

Kate: What?

Ben: Katherine Anne Austen, you were Annie, weren't you? You lived on this island, you were my best friend for four years. But then that maniac over there shot me. _*Points at Sayid*_ And they sent me to the hostiles. When I came back you were gone.

Kate [with mouth agape]: What you just told me triggered my memory, and now I remember. I remember when I was five, my mother went to live with Wayne, and my father Sam didn't get custody of me. So he kidnapped me, and brought me to an island. The Dharma Initiative, where I made a carving of myself to my best friend Ben. It was you, wasn't it?

Ben: Yes, Annie, you do remember, it was me, and it was you. Why did you go away?

Kate: One day the alarms sounded, my father told me that you had died, and that we needed to evacuate the area, because of an incident. We walked into a sub, and he gave me an orange juice to drink, and I slept, when I woke up I forget everything!

Ben: Look!

Ben searched inside his backpack and pulled out Annie's carved doll.

Kate [grinning]: You kept it!

Ben: Even when you were away, you've always been with me! I love you Annie.

Kate: I love you too, Ben!

They hug and kiss again.

Jack: Yup, defiantly going to be sick!

Locke: Bug-eyes and Freckles, who would have thought?! _*John says walking out of the jungle with Boone and Matt close behind him.*_

Sawyer: How dare you steal my nicknames, you bald headed bastard?!

Locke: The guy just stole both of your girls, James, I thought you'd be more pissed at him. Especially because, look at him, he looks like a little rat. That must be really hard for your self-esteem, huh?

Jack [angry at Locke as always]: What are you doing here, John?

Locke: I just came to see the rise of a new ship. What do you think they're going to call them on the boards?

Kate [answers looking dazzled]: Carved Dolls!

Jack [ignoring Kate's response because he knows that Jate was fate]: No you weren't! You're here to kill Jacob!

Locke: What if I am Jack? What are you going to do? Fix me?

Jack gets even angrier at Locke so he attacks him and beats him senseless. Everyone starts to cheer for Jack and nobody notices that four children have now appeared as if they were manifested there, they are now standing on the entrance of the statue.

Female Voice: Beating John Locke, yeah that otta fix things! _*Everyone turns their attention to the children and notices that it is Alex who's speaking.*_ That's smart of you, Jack, didn't expect more from you.

Ben [stunned]: Alex!

Michael [from the jungle]: WAAAAALLLLLLLLLLT!

Everyone stares as Michael comes running from the jungle to hug his son, who is one of the children standing protectively on the entrance of the statue.

Michael: You're alive!

Walt: Yes, I'm alive, and I'm also a teenager now, so stop hugging me. You're embarrassing me in front of my friends.

Michael [does so]: What happened? Why did you disappear? How did you get old so fast?

Walt: First, let me introduce myself to everyone. _*Walt stares at his father*_ Mind getting down at the beach while I speak? _*Michael obeys, everyone stays in silence waiting for Walt to speak.*_ Hello everyone we are the **Children of the Island.** _*Children of the Island echoes*_ Everyone knows me as WAAALLLLLLLLLT. I disappeared during flight 815 crash and was flashed back three years on the past where I met my friends.

Alex: I'm Alex, you all know me as Crazy French Chick's daughter. After the reset I was flashed back three years in the past, because I'm important to this island.

Six year old girl: My name is Ji Yeon, I'm a child prodigy, learned English in just three years and I still speak Korean perfectly. I'm the daughter of Sun and Jin, and after the reset, since I hadn't been conceived yet, I was sent back in time, three years precisely.

Six year old boy: My name is Charlie, I'm Desmond and Penny's son, I was sent back in time for the same reason Ji Yeon did. And just like my friends, I'm very important and special. We found each other, and since we didn't have any parents we became the **Children of the Island **_*it echoes again*. _We were told to protect the island, and that's what we are here to do.

Sawyer: Is it just me, or does this sound like The Chronicles of Narnia?

Jack [intrigued]: I've always thought Lost had more to do with Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, since John told me about the white rabbit.

Ben: But the name of the Dharma Station on Los Angeles is The Lamp Post, so I guess Ford must be right, Lost is all about The Chronicles of Narnia.

Juliet: I thought it was about Stephen King.

Hurley: No, dudes, it's about Star Wars, let's face it we all have daddy's issues.

Richard: No it's about Ancient Egypt. Look at that four toed statue, it's the rest of the statue of Tawaret!

Boone: I always thought that we were in purgatory, but I guess that theory has been discredited a long time ago.

Charlie: I still think that we are just part of Hurley's imagination and he's still at the mental institution. It's the most logical explanation. Who else could come up with all this crap?

Everyone looks to see Charlie wearing a hoody coming out of the jungle. Desmond was walking beside him looking stoned.

Sawyer: Nobody told little red riding hood that it's dangerous to walk alone in the jungle with the big bad wolf of Great Britain?

Desmond: What's your problem with nicknaming me after mystical creatures?

Sawyer: No problem, Daddy, but did you see who's there. _*Sawyer points at little Charlie.*_

Desmond [happy]: Charlie?

Both Charlies: Yeah!

Desmond runs to hug his son, but he is too stoned, so he falls face first in the sand.

Little Charlie [disappointed]: What's wrong with you?

Desmond [face still on the sand]: Just, stay away from Virgin Marry Statues, ok?

Jacob [coming out of his statue]: May I ask what is this commotion about?

Richard: Sorry, Jacob, sir, but we are here to stop John Locke from trying to kill you again.

Locke [annoyed]: I didn't come here to kill him!

Ben: Then why are you here, John? If that's even your name.

Locke: I came here to tell Jacob that his enemy isn't passing himself as me anymore. That I'm the real John Locke and that I am ready to resume my leadership, that by the way, was rudely interrupted when Ben moved the island.

Jacob: John is right. I know that he isn't here to kill me.

Ben [hurt]: And you believe him?!

Jacob: Yes I do.

Ben: And he is going to be the leader now? What else are you going to do to me now? Give me cancer? Kill my daughter? Oh, wait, you did all those things!

Kate: Don't be sad Ben, here I'll hug you. _*She hugs him*_

Ben [crying softly]: It just hurts, you know?

Kate [in baby voice and pouting]: I know!

Sawyer [annoyed]: Are we supposed to look happy while the writer shoves this Carved Dolls ship down our throats through the whole chapter?

Juliet: Well, I actually liked this ship. It keeps Ben obsessed with someone else, while it keeps Kate away from you. All I can think of is two love birds with the same stone, James!

Ben [clearing his throat]: You're still mine Juliet! _*Kate looks at him hurt* _What?! Is it just Sawyer and Jack who can love the two of you?

Richard [to Jacob]: So you believe in John. Why?

Jacob: Because after the reset, I knew it was only a matter of three years before Ben stabbed me again. So I went out of the island, and visited someone that would actually help me instead of just resetting everything! _*Jacob glares mad at Jack, then Sayid, Hurley, Sawyer and Kate.*_

A man comes out of the statue wearing a red and blue spandex, with the House of El insignia boldly printed on his chest.

Superman [in a deep voice]: Saving the island is a job for Superman!

---------------

Jacob explained to everyone that Superman had taken Jacob's enemy out of the island to Metropolis Prison. Jacob told them that the island was safe now, and they were free to live there safely. But the survivors still wanted answers, so they told Superman all the mysteries that happened, waiting for him to tell them what to do next.

Jack: … And then Juliet set off the bomb that reset everything. What do you think is the big secret of Lost, Superman?

Superman [looking confused]: I don't know. I'm not good at solving mysteries.

Charlie: But your secret identity works as an investigative reporter.

Superman: Yes, but it's usually Lois who does all the thinking.

Charlie: Ah, you're pathetic, and to think I ever defended you to Hurley.

Hurley: Told you, Dude, he would never win a race against The Flash. What kind of stupid guy thinks glasses are a good disguise?

Superman: Look, if you guys need help with this I can always call Batman. He is the one with experience in riddles.

Kate: Think! I know you can do this, Superman!

Superman sighed deeply, he closed his eyes and thought really hard.

Superman: I got it, I discovered the biggest secret of Lost.

Sawyer: All right, tell us then, Smallville!

Superman: You're creativity on coming up with nicknames is starting to decrease. Lois calls me that!

Sawyer [hurt]: Just tells us!

Superman: It's the letter J. _*Everyone stares at the man of steel without understanding.*_ All important characters' names begin with the letter J. Jacob, Jack, John, Jin, James, Juliet…

Sayid [Offended]: My name begins with S, and I'm an important character!

Superman: Well, you're name is Sayid Jarrah. _*Sayid smiled relieved that he was important afterall.*_

Ben: What about me? I'm important, I have to be!

Kate: Well, your name is BenJamin. But me, there's no J in Katherine Anne Austen.

Ben: No, but one of your aliases is Joan Hart.

Kate [smiling]: What would I do without you?!

Ben and Kate start to make out.

Sawyer: Just end the chapter already before they start to go at it like rabbits. We all know how much Ben likes bunnies.

* * *

**Next week on After the Boom: **6.06 - The battle of the sexes and ignored characters

_Ana: Libby had a flashback._

_Libby: One miserable line-free flashback in a Hurley episode._

_Colleen: Better than nothing. We Other women get no respect at all, we have to accept the fact that Juliet represents us._

_Charlotte: Oi, she gives me a headache!_


	6. Episode – 606

**6.0****6 – The battle of the sexes and ignored characters**

**Author's Note:** Wow, 40 reviews, that's great!!! I'm positively sure that **After the Boom **will get much more reviews than **All the Things You Are**. My goal is 100 reviews, do you think I'll manage it? Please, keep the reviews coming, you know I love them. I'll tell you what, If I get 50 reviews before next Monday, I'll post next chapter sooner. What do you think? The game is on, review away. =)

---------------

Paulo is walking through the jungle with Claire in his arms, he's taking turns with Ethan to carry her to the staff station. Shannon is going along with them, but she spots something scary in the jungle.

Shannon [screaming]: HELP!!

Claire: Ah, Shannon, please. You're not going to start screaming again, are you? You're so selfish, I'm the one in labor, it's my turn to scream!

Shannon [scared]: I saw Walt in the jungle. He was taller and soaking wet…

Paulo: This is getting old, Shannon, maybe Ana Lucia is around here, so she can kill you!

Ethan: Tell me again, Shannon. Why did you come along with us? I said I only needed help to carry Claire, and you're not helping with that!

They stop stunned and stare at Walt.

Walt [soaking wet]: She is here because I needed to make an appearance and she was the only one of you ignored character that saw me in places I wasn't supposed to be.

Shannon is in panic now, she grabs Paulo by the shirt and starts to shake him desperately, the movement makes Claire want to throw up.

Shannon: Can you see him? Can you see him?

Claire [screaming annoyed]: I'm having a baby! I'm having a baby!!!

Ethan: Paulo, look, Walt is a manifestation of the smoke monster! It's not Walt it's ghost Juliet!

Paulo [shaking with fear]: Mummy, hold me! _*he holds Claire tighter*_

Claire [not at all patient]: What part of I'm having a baby don't you people get?

Walt: I'm still here, soaking wet in the jungle, and you people are ignoring me!

Shannon: It's a chapter about ignored characters. In this chapter, the characters that aren't ignored on the show will get ignored now!

Walt: And I'm not ignored? They've completely forgotten me after the first season! Man, I should have never got into that raft.

Shannon: But you're special, Walt!

Claire: I'm sorry if I'm interrupting your little chat… BUT I'm HAVING A FREAKING BABY!!!

Ethan: Let's walk and talk, shall we? _*They resume walking* _The Staff Station is near.

Shannon: You said you needed to make an appearance, why?

Walt: Because hjr thought there wasn't enough Walt in the last chapter. And apparently, the author takes her readers satisfaction a little too seriously!

Shannon: and why are you soaking wet?

Walt: I still haven't gotten the hang of teleporting myself. I still end up in the middle of the ocean sometimes. So what's up with Claire, why are you taking her to the Staff Station?

Shannon: She's been in labor the whole night. Ethan said she's having trouble delivering the baby.

Ethan: The baby is a little too big for her, it's not sliding down the birth canal quite right.

Claire: I don't know why he's too big, I'm only eight months pregnant.

Ethan: Try eight months overdue!

They arrive at the station, Paulo helps Ethan prepare the room for the delivery. Shannon helps Claire breathe through her contractions as she holds Claire's right hand. And Walt sits idly watching everyone. Ethan hooks Claire up to some monitors.

Ethan: Oh, no!

Walt [worried]: What's wrong?

Walt rushes closer to Ethan because he's worried about the baby. He can't control his curiosity and dares a look down at Claire. What he sees makes him sick. Women are crazy, he would never want to get pregnant. Ever!

Ethan: The baby's heartbeat is slowing down. We're gonna have to take it out now. But it's too late for a c-section. Walt, can you pass me out the forceps tool?

Walt: The what?

Ethan: The forceps tool!

Walt: How am I supposed to know what it looks like?

Ethan [pointing]: It's right over there, that thing that looks like a salad tong.

Walt [giving it to Ethan]: Here you go!

Ethan: Much obliged, Walt!

Paulo [confused]: Much obliged?

Walt: Yeah… like thank you! _*Walt dares another look down at Claire*_ Oh, man, did you just put that thing inside her.

Claire [angry]: Walt, get away from there, or I'll shove it up your ass!

Ethan [to Walt]: Crazy hormones.

Walt [moving closer to Claire and holding her other hand]: Calm down Claire, I'm a teenager now, I'm just being curious.

After a lot of screaming, hand squeezing and agony, Ethan holds up the baby for them all to see. They all look at Aaron stunned!

Walt: Holy crap, he's big!

Claire: that was inside of me?

Ethan: Yeah… _*Ethan cleans Aaron up and gives him to Claire.* _After analyzing his teeth, I'd say he's about three years old.

Claire [stroking his chubby cheeks with a smile on her face]: Hey, turnip head, you gave mummy a lot of trouble. Why did you have to be so big?

Aaron: I dunno! My pretend mummy left to go rescue my real mummy, and then she got blown up.

Walt: Well, I just came here to make sure Aaron would be all right? I'll leave now.

Shannon: I thought you said you were here because of hjr…

Walt: I know what I said, but protecting Aaron is my job, I am one of the **Children of the Island**! _*it echoes again*_ And Aaron is very important to the island.

---------------

It's the middle of the afternoon, Ana Lucia, Libby, Harper, Colleen together with Goodwin, Tom, Pickett, Mikhail and Karl are walking back to the barracks since they were all being ignored.

Ana Lucia: I mean who do those two think they are? Kate and Juliet want the same men while we get stuck with death!

Libby: well, you can't complain about them, Ana, you did try your chances with both Sawyer and Jack.

Ana: Yeah, but they killed me after I slept with Sawyer.

Libby: Because you weren't supposed to, you pissed of those Skaters.

Ana: Oh, so Juliet can sleep with Sawyer, but I can't?

Goodwin: In her defense, she did get blown up after that.

Libby: Maybe Skaters as terrorists!

Ana [pouting]: It's not fair, I shouldn't have been killed off so soon.

Libby: You want to talk about fair, I got stuck with Hurley, and even then I got shot.

Colleen: Yeah, me too, I got stuck with Chinatown over there I got shot too. Lost is a boy's club!

Goodwin: It's not that it's a boy's club.

Harper: Oh, it isn't huh? Why do I get the feeling I won't like your explanation.

Mikhail: It's just that it's an action show, and men are more physical.

Ana: Ah, come on, you're playing the physical card. You want to arm wrestle me, see who wins?

Goodwin: I wouldn't do that, last time I got in a fight with her she stabbed me dead.

Their conversation suddenly comes to a stop as they hear a helicopter approaching. They see two people parachuting out near the four toed statue beach, two more parachuting out near the Staff Station, and the helicopter crashes in an open field near the Flame Station.

Harper: I'll tell you what. The helicopter crashed in an equal distance to the barracks as the two people who parachuted out near the Staff. Why don't you boys go rescue the people on the helicopter, while we women will rescue the people who parachuted near the Staff Station? Whoever gets to the barracks last is the weaker sex. What do you say?

Goodwin: You're on, Harper, I missed your competitive side!

The men and women part in different directions.

---------------

Back at the beach camp the rest of the survivors sit by a fire eating the fish that Jin caught. Claire is feeling a lot better already, thanks to the island's healing powers, Aaron is running around thankful to be free again, and the tailies had finally arrived and are sitting together with the fronties. The U.S. Marshal had woken and is whining with pain.

Joanna: Ethan, since you seem to know so much about this island, tell me something. Why did it take so long for me to appear on this fic?

Claire: Actually you never even appeared on the show, you were just mentioned, like Steve and Scott.

Joanna: Thanks for pointing that out Claire, but I asked Ethan, so unless that is the name you moonlight as, just don't answer it, ok? _*They stick their tongues at each other*_

Ethan: Well, that's a very stupid question, Joana, and the answer is pretty obvious. It's because you're an ignored character. In fact, we all are.

Paulo: Man, that sucks!

Sun: What sucks?

Paulo: Being an ignored Character. You never know when the writers will come up with some stupid paralyzing spider and bury you alive.

Arzt: The spider was not stupid, stupid was your girlfriend's plan.

Niki [mad]: Hey, I'm not stupid!

Everyone: Yes, you are!

U.S. Marshal [weakly between gritted teeth]: For Jacob's sake! I'm bleeding to death here, and have to listen to you people whining about being ignored. HELLO! Look at me, if that's not ignored then what the hell is?

Shannon: Shut up! Everyone hates you for the way you treated Kate!

Sun: I don't understand why you say that all of us here are ignored characters. That's not true for me and Jin.

Jin: Face it Sun, you were completely ignored season five, will you ever get a plot again?

Sun: That's because I only get centric episodes when I'm with you.

Paulo: Yeah, and this is a really interest topic. Why must couples have centric episodes together?

Rose: You're right, Paulo, why is that? Why do they think that just because couples are an item they deserve less screen time? It's unfair.

Paulo: I mean, take Jack for example, we have to sit and watch as he rambles on and on about his drunk father, and his ex-wife, his failures on fixing things and he's ability to count to five at least three episodes per season. When I had the pleasure of a centric episode, I got like three lines.

Bernard: I don't know why you are complaining, you had more lines in this fan fiction than most of us ignored characters. Especially me, this is my second line in six chapters!

Paulo: At least you haven't been buried alive. And I'm only getting these much lines because the author is Brazilian, and she gets a kick out of knowing that there's a Brazilian character played by a real Brazilian actor in Lost. She likes me even despite the fact that nobody else really cares about me.

Shannon: You whine more than me, Paulo.

Steve: Yes, and I don't know why you complain so much, Sawyer nicknamed you, this puts you in a high position between the ignored characters.

Paulo: What? Zorro? Can somebody explain to him that I'm Brazilian, not Spanish! This is so racist!

Niki: So what? You all speak Spanish, what's the difference?

Paulo [furious and getting up]: Portuguese, we speak Portuguese, damn it!

Paulo leaves

Niki [giggling]: Well, that was fun!

---------------

When the group of women arrives at the Staff Station they come upon Charlotte and Naomi, they are now walking to the barracks.

Naomi: I'm so glad this time my lungs weren't perforated by a branch.

Ana: God, this show is really sexist!

Libby [explaining to Charlotte and Naomi]: She's mad because there's more men than women on the show.

Colleen: And we all get killed off as soon as we appear.

Naomi: You know, I had never thought of it before, but you're right, I had everything to be a success. A cool accent, a mysterious entrance, interesting gadgets, a hot body. I could have been the female James Bond, but they stabbed me on the back!

Ana: Me too, I was tough, strong, I could have kicked ass. But then comes that stupid turncoat and shoots me dead.

Colleen: At least you had two centric episodes, in a season where Kate only had one. That was like THE greatest thing a female character could ever want!

Ana: Libby had a flashback.

Libby: One miserable line-free flashback in a Hurley episode.

Colleen: Better than nothing. We Other women get no respect at all, we have to accept the fact that Juliet represents us.

Charlotte: Oi, she gives me a headache!

Harper [smiling that she's found a new girlfriend]: Why, did she steal your husband too?

Charlotte: No, but in the beginning of season five, the number of female characters was starting to overpopulate the male ones. And they killed me off instead of her.

Colleen: Kate and Juliet, Lost princesses! Yuck!

Harper: I second that! So all of you died, huh?

Charlotte: I didn't just die, I suffered to death for long episodes, it was sheer torture.

Libby: I suffered too, you know? The stupid turncoat wasn't even efficient enough to just kill me, I had to bleed to death.

Colleen: I got shot in the stomach by crazy pregnant Korean girl and the incompetent Juliet failed to save me.

Ana: Harper, you're the only one amongst us who hasn't died. What does it feel like?

Harper: Well, technically, we can't be so sure that I haven't died.

Colleen: So you did die?

Harper: If I did, they never showed. But I appeared for Juliet in the middle of the jungle, people think that it was Smokey that manifested me, and Smokey only manifests dead people. So I could be dead. Don't you think it's a great mystery to be explored?

Ana: I'm not gonna lie to you, Harper, face the fact that you're an ignored character. It will hurt a lot less when the show ends and you realized there was no mystery to you after all.

---------------

When the group of men arrives at the Flame Station they come upon Miles and Frank, they are now walking to the barracks.

Pickett: Those survivors of flight 815 think they rule the word don't they? With their daddy's issues, nicknames, A-missions.

Mikhail: You are one hundred percent correct. We are the good guys, we should be the center of attention in Lost.

Goodwin: But we're still the ignored characters, it really pisses me off.

Tom: They are savages, they don't even tuck their shirts in. The walk around the jungle with torches and pointy sticks, it's almost pathetic!

Frank: I gotta agree with you guys, that is really frustrating.

Miles: Look at us from Kahana, we are a bunch of professionals, with top of line equipment. But they don't give a damn thing about us, do they?

Frank: Professionals, you talk to dead people.

Miles: Which is my profession, duh!

Frank: At least they gave you a centric episode. I had to share one with you and another three characters.

Karl: And what about me and Alex, huh? We got potential to be really interesting characters, we are the rebels, we wanted change. But they also turned a cold shoulder on us, didn't they?

Miles: Lost sucks!

Karl: Yeah, it does suck that I never got a centric episode. Don't they realize that people are dying to know who the hell my parents are?

---------------

The women and men arrive together at the barracks tired and hungry.

Pickett: All right, girls, we admit it. You're just as capable of being on an action show as we are.

Colleen [kissing his cheek]: And we admit that it's not only female characters that get ignored in Lost.

Ana [can't help, but add]: All though there are a lot less women the men!

Goodwin [smiling]: I gotta hand it to Juliet, she was smart enough to ditch us and became part of their glorious A-team.

Harper [annoyed]: Why does every time you talk about her you have to put on that silly smile?

Goodwin: Tell me, Harper, why do you hate her so much? Face it, if it wasn't for Juliet, you wouldn't even exist!

---------------

It's a beautiful night in the seventies. Olivia, Phil, Dr. Chang, Radzinsky, Horace and Amy with baby Ethan in her arms are sitting at a picnic table watching Roger beat up little Ben with a paddle in front of his house in the most humiliating way possible.

_Roger: You killed your mother you little bastard. I hate you!_

_Little Ben: It wasn't my fault you took an eight months pregnant women to go hiking, you moron!_

_Roger: You don't talk back to me!_

Dr. Chang: Should we do something?

Horace: Ah, it's little Ben, he's gonna grow up and kill us all. Why bother?

Phil: Why are we in this fic anyway?

Amy: It's a chapter about ignored characters.

Horace: So?

Olivia: So that we're ignored characters!

Horace: I'm not an ignored character. My character is mysterious and important!

Dr. Chang: That doesn't mean anything, I'm mysterious too. Do you remember how creepy my orientation films were?

Radzinsky: And me, I blew my brains out in the Swan station and nobody cares. That's why we are ignored characters.

Olivia: Do we have to spell out everything for him?

Horace: No, no, no. You guys don't understand, I was there the day Ben was born, I was in John Locke's dream. Did you know that I build the cabin?

Amy: Horace, honey, did you ever have a centric episode?

Horace: No…

Amy: Then you're an ignored character.

Horace [disappointed]: Point well taken!

* * *

**Author's Note:** The part where Niki thought that Paulo spoke Spanish was inspired by an user from Yahoo Answers, who asked for help translating into English a sentence written in Brazilian Spanish. That made me laugh so hard. I honestly don't mind when people get this things confused, but I know some Brazilians get really mad when that happens. I don't understand why that's a reason to get mad about, a Brazilian friend of mine once asked me if New York and Paris were the same thing. My answer was, "oh, sure, they are the same thing an ocean apart!" It's obviously she didn't get the joke, but whatever. It's not like I carry a world map with me.

Anyway, I felt the need to mention my country on this chapter after watching **V**. I know it's stupid, but I felt so happy when they showed my country. Christ the Redeemer looked so beautiful! And that** V **chick was speaking Portuguese perfectly, a lot better than the crew from Penny's boat. Although, I think the crew from Penny's boat were Portuguese not Brazilian.

---------------

**Next week on After the Boom: **6.07 - The return of the living AND dead flashback characters

A very special character will make an appearance next chapter, I want to thank **Wickedgal08** again for letting me borrow Carletta!

_Christian: Yes, just like you are Jacob's grandmother__, Sarah. It's all a twisted family three!_

_Carletta [in shock as if she just saw a ghost]: Jesus, what the hell are you doing here?_

_Christian: My name is Christian Shephard, and my son Jack was on the plane._

_Carletta: Yes, but you're dead!_


	7. Episode – 607

**6.0****7 – The return of the living AND dead flashback characters**

**Author's Note:** Because **Wickedgal08** let me borrow her OC, **Carletta Stiles**, from her story **Circle of Trust**, I have now the honor to use Carletta for this chapter. If you never read Wickedgal08's story, you should, it's hilarious and I'm sure you're gonna love it.

I know I said I was going to wait until I reached 50 reviews to post a new chapter, but since Wickedgal08 asked so nicely for an update, I'm gonna let her have it. I hope I did her character justice! And I hope she keeps the end of the bargain and update Circle of Trust soon.

I think this is one of the funniest chapters I wrote so far, but this is just my opinion, I'll let you guys be the judge of that. =]

---------------

Oceanic Airlines offers to pay the family and friends of the people who unfortunately disappeared with Oceanic flight 816 for a group session with Carletta Stiles. Who apparently has experience in dealing with Lost's characters. She enters the room full of people who are sitting in a circle chattering. Carletta sits on an available plastic seat and clears her throat.

Carletta: Hello, everyone!

Everyone: Hello!

Carletta: I'm sorry to hear about your friends and family and the mysterious disappearance of flight 816.

Nobody answers her, she looks around uncomfortable and finds Sun's father smiling at her.

Carletta [still uncomfortable]: Hello, Mr. Paik.

Mr. Paik: Konnichiwa!

Carletta: That's hello in Japanese, not Korean.

Mr. Paik: Hai, nihongo hanasemasen!

He says, "yes, I can speak Japanese," in Japanese obviously.

Mrs. Paik: Dae-Ji Bul-Go-Gi. Dak Gal-Bi.

Carletta: Wait, what?!

Margo Shephard [to Carletta]: Aren't those Korean dishes?

Jin's Mother [angry at Mrs. Paik for some reason]: Soon-Doo-Boo Chi-Gae!

Mr. Kown [trying to calm down Jin's mother]: Yakissoba, okonomiyaki…

Jin's Mother [irritated]: Yamaha nikon hitachi. Seik karate, judo sumo samurai!

Mr. Paik [angry]: Subaru casio aiwa, yoko ono, nagasaki okinawa...

Mrs. Paik [cutting him mid sentence]: Harakiri tsunami kamikaze banzai!

Mr. Paik [shouting]: Toshiba Mitsubishi, sushi sashimi! _*He gets up*_ Sayōnara.

Mr. Paik leaves, Mrs. Paik does too. After a long silence, Jin's parents leave as well.

Carletta: Well, that was an awkward start. I'll tell you what! Why don't we start our session introducing ourselves? Tell us who was your friend or family that was on the plane and what are your feelings regarding it? I'll go first, I'm Carletta, I didn't have a friend or family on the plane, I'm here to help you deal with your feelings.

Sabrina [getting up]: My name is Sabrina Rutherford, my son Boone was on the plane, and I feel awful because he had a beautiful career ahead of him. But now it's all gone because of that stupid little bitch!

Carletta: Are you talking about your step-daughter Shannon?

Sabrina: Yes, I am, it's her fault my son was in Australia. She's a sneak little gold digger.

Carmen Reyes: You talk like that about your own step-daughter?

Sabrina: Why wouldn't I? It's true!

Carletta: But it's also true that you stole the money she had a right to since she was your dead husband's daughter. So the question is, aren't you the gold digger who married that poor little girl's father for his money?

Sabrina [insulted]: No, her father and I decided that I should deal with the family finances in case he passed away.

Margo: But I don't think your husband wanted you to dump his daughter on the street without any money, with just the clothes on her back.

Sabrina: Why are you all against me?

Carletta: Because when I watched Shannon's centric episode, all I could think of was that she was Cinderella, you were the evil step-mother, and Boone was Drizella and Anastasia.

Liam Pace [laughing]: The bloke is two ugly sisters, that's funny!

Carletta: You think it's funny? You want to talk about sibling love, Liam?

Liam: What have I done?

Carletta: What have you done? Even though your baby brother wanted to quit the band, you didn't let him, because you wanted to be famous. For Charlie it was just about the music, but you got him involved on drugs. Then you sold his piano abandoned him to go live in Australia.

Liam: It's all daddy's fault. He didn't want us to be musicians.

Simon Pace [insulted]: I was great father I even taught Charlie to swim.

Carletta: Ok, moving on. _*Points at Cassidy*_ Why don't you go next?

Cassidy [holding two year old Clementine]: My name is Cassidy Philips, the person on the plane was neither my family nor my friend. It was the son of a bitch that knocked me up, conned me, and walked away with all my money!

Anthony Cooper: Conned you? His name wouldn't be Sawyer by any chance, would it?

Cassidy: How do you know?

Anthony: Well the guy got his name from me. I slept with his mummy and stole his daddy's money. I'm the real Sawyer by the way. He wrote me a letter, the guy just went nuts after his father murdered his mother and then committed suicide.

Carletta: What are you doing here, Mr. Cooper?

Anthony: Well, my son was on the plane.

Carletta: Yeah, but you stole his kidney and throw him out of a window.

Anthony: Let's not get into a discussion about parenting style, ok? Some people think spanking your kids is constructive, some think it's child abuse. I, for one, think stealing one's child's kidney helps the child to grow and learn about the facts of life.

Carletta: Facts of life?

Anthony: Yeah, the fact that people can do horrible things, he should have learned that from a young age, but I really just needed a kidney when he was well over forty!

Carletta: What about throwing him out of a window?

Anthony: Birds throw their offspring out of the nest, don't they?

Helen Norwood: Ah, this is sick. You're a horrible human being!

Anthony [chuckling]: ME? I'm not the cold bitch who turned down John's marriage propose because he was helping out his father. Do you know how much money he spent on phone sex after you dumped him?

Emily Locke: Tony, honey, be nice, you don't want more people hating you.

Carletta: And who might you be?

Emily: Emily Locke, I gave birth to John when I was 15.

Carletta: Now, wait a minute, you're Emily Locke… Emily… are you also Ben's mother Emily?

Emily: Oops, no one was supposed to know. But hell, secret is out now. Yes, I faked my death and ran away from Roger.

Everyone [stunned]: Why?

Emily: Isn't it obvious? I hate baby boys, they pee on you face when you change their dippers.

Sarah [shocked]: So Ben and John are brothers?

Christian: Yes, just like you are Jacob's grandmother, Sarah. It's all a twisted family three!

Carletta [in shock as if she just saw a ghost]: Jesus, what the hell are you doing here?

Christian: My name is Christian Shephard, and my son Jack was on the plane.

Carletta: Yes, but you're dead!

Christian: And so are Wayne and Yemi, but they're also here.

Carletta looks around the room, Wayne is sitting on the right side of Diane, and Yemi is in the seat next to hers, smiling peacefully.

Carletta: What are all you dead people doing here?

Yemi: I'm here because my brother was on the plane, and he owns me a church, so I figured if I showed up Oceanic Airlines would build one for me.

Christian: And I'm here because I'm an important character. I met most of the castaways!

Sarah [to Christian]: Wait a minute. You said I'm Jacob's grandmother. That means I'm important too, doesn't it?

Christian: Yes, Sarah, you and I are very important, that's why I nicknamed Ana Lucia after you.

Sarah: God, I'm important and I never knew! Why else do you think I'm important, Chris?

Christian: Maybe because there are two Sarahs reading this fiction… I don't really know… I know why I'm important. Not only Jack was on the plane, but also my daughter Claire.

Lindsey Littleton [mad]: You're not her father!

Carole Littleton: To be honest, he really is Claire's father and I loved when we got together, he's a real sex god.

Lindsey: Look what you did to my sister, you drunk pervert. You just took advantage of my sister's naïveté and slept around with her, then walked out on her and Claire because you had a "real family." _*Makes air quote*_

Christian: Lindsey, can I stop you for a second? When people do this. _*Makes air quote*_ I don't really know what that means.

Carletta [annoyed]: Oh, my Jacob! Those damn Friends references followed me here!

Margo [to Christian]: So this was the reason for all those trips to Australia, you told me they were business trip, you lousy bastard! And when you came home you were always drunk, criticizing our son! Look what you done to Jack, our son is fixated with fixing stuff because you told him he hadn't got what it took to fix things!

Diane Jansen: Well, I know something about drunk husbands.

Sam Austen [sitting on the left side of Diane]: Yeah, well that was your choice, but have you really needed to take Katie with you?

Carletta: So you must be Kate's mother then. _*Diane nods*_ Well, at least now I know why that woman can never make up her mind about Sawyer or Jack. Apparently the apple doesn't fall too far from the three.

Wayne: She sure is hot just like her mother.

Carletta [disgusted]: But she's your daughter!

Wayne: I could use the same logic. _*in mucked disgust* _She murdered me, and she is my daughter!

Carletta: She did it because you abused her and her mother. Which leads me to another question why do you people all hate your children?

David Reyes: I don't hate my children!

Carletta: But you walked out on your wife and kids when Hugo was only 10 years old. Which lead him to an eating disorder because he could never fulfill the emptiness on his heart when you left him. And you only came back when you found out your son won the lottery! And you, Mrs. Reyes, you let him get back into your lives, you never even think about Hugo's feelings. Why?

Carmen [embarrassed]: I have needs!

Carletta: This is disgusting! You people should be ashamed of your selves for treating your children too poorly.

Charles Widmore: We don't do it on propose. We only want what's best for our children, and sometimes, they can't make the right decision so we have to make for them.

Penelope Widmore: You're lying! You hate me, you don't want me to be happy!

Carletta: Excuse me, but what are you Widmores doing here? I don't remember you having people on the plane.

Widmore: No, but I wanted to know about the people who did, so I can come up with an evil plan to take over the island.

Penny: And I have people on the island, my husband Desmond, plus they killed off my son after the reset, forgive me for needing therapy!

Carletta: What about you? _*She asks the woman sitting beside Charles Widmore*_

Eloise Hawkins: I'm just here to make sure that whatever has to happen, happens. Whatever it is that happened before the reset has to happen again. Because whatever happened, happened!

Carletta: At least now we know where Daniel got that crap from. Speaking of which, you're the worst parent of all the worst parents on Lost, aren't?

Eloise: I beg your pardon, dear?

Carletta: You know that you killed your son when he was time travelling. It was an accident, we get it. But you spent your whole adult life studying time travel. Only to make sure that your son indeed travelled through time so that you could kill him again. Now is it sick or is it just me?

Tereza Cortez: No it really is sick!

Carletta: Hi, Mrs. Cortez, thank you for agreeing with me. Why have you been so quiet?

Tereza: People hate my daughter, so I figured they wouldn't want to lose time reading my lines.

Carletta: Oh…

Tereza: And the author is crazy, she loves to connect characters with the same name. I would either be the Tereza who baby sat Boone and fell down the stairs, or I'd be Daniel's Tereza whose brain he cooked. I would probably end up being both!

Tom Brennan: Sorry for the delay! _*He enters with his wife who is holding their two year old son in her arms.*_ We hit terrible traffic, I hope I didn't disturb the session. _*They sit on Jin and Sun's parents' seats*_

Carletta: No, not at all, why don't you introduce yourself?

Tom [getting up]: All right, I'm Tom Brennan, I'm Kate Austen's childhood friend.

Carletta: I thought you were dead?

Tom: Then how come Christian can stay?

Carletta: Never mind, go ahead.

Tom: This is my wife Rachel, and this is our son Julian Connor.

Tereza [to Carletta]: You see what I meant about character's name?

Carletta [mouth agape]: So you are married to Juliet's sister?!

Rachel: You know my sister?

Carletta: Yes, I guess you can say that. Wow, so many revelations today, Ben and John are brothers, Christian is a sex god, Juliet's sister is married to Kate's high school sweetheart.

Christian: I'm telling you, we're all related somehow!

Carletta: Yes, well, we are getting to the end of this session. Why don't we give it sometime to the people who haven't spoken yet?

Nadia: I don't really want to talk. Sayid dumped me for a blonde bimbo, I'm mad at him.

Carletta: Ok, what about you, sir? _*She points at a guy sitting next to Sarah* _You want to introduce yourself?

Marc: Hi, my name is Marc Silverman, I was one of Jack's best friend.

Carletta: And how are you feeling now that Jack is missing?

Marc [crying]: I'm feeling terrible. Back at college Jack and I had a gay one night stand, and I've loved him ever since! _*Silence falls*_

Carletta [stunned]: That's one revelation I could do without!

---------------

Ilana, Bram and Caesar are sitting on a bar, drinking and talking.

Ilana: Are we ever going to appear on this fiction?

Bram: Ilana, nobody knows who we are, how do you expect them to write about us?

Ilana: I have a feeling people are too tired to pay attention to new characters. When Jacob visited me I looked like a mummy and nobody cared.

Caesar: Just be glad the author gave you these tow lines, my friend!

* * *

**Next week on After the Boom: **6.08 – The Autoinfanticide Paradox

Rajesh: You people got sucked into this loop when your friend Desmond failed to push the button and now you are trapped here forever.

Jack: What are you talking about?

Rajesh: I'm saying that John is right, you're not supposed to leave the island. There's no way out. If you try to fix things, it would only cause another reset.

Sawyer: So, we're stuck here?

Rajesh: Pretty much!


	8. Episode – 608

**6.0****8 - ****The A****utoinfanticide Paradox**

**Author's Note:** This is another one of my favorite chapters, guest staring Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj, from The Big Bang Theory. I'll let Daniel introduce him to you guys in case you never watched the show.

---------------

The Oceanic 815 survivors, the others, the man of tomorrow, the children of island and Joey all gathered around looking at Daniel and his friend that parachuted on the island ten minutes ago. They were all waiting for answers.

Daniel: After the reset, I called Charlotte, Frank and Miles and we decided to pay you guys a visit a little earlier and come rescue you all.

Sawyer: Ok, Twitchy, and who is that guy?

Daniel: He is a friend of mine. See, last time I tried to fix things I got it all wrong. So in order not to make the same mistake again I brought Rajesh over here to help look at things with an open mind. He's a Particle Astrophysicist.

Sawyer: In another words, you brought us another geek?

Jack: Is he going to help us leave the island?

Locke [putting his hands on Jack's shoulders]: You're not supposed to leave the island, Jack!

Kate: Tell us what we need to do to get out.

Rajesh looks uncomfortable at Kate, then turns to his Daniel and whispers on his ear.

Daniel: Oh, yes, and Raj has selective mutism around women.

Kate [confused]: Which means?

Daniel: He can't speak around women unless he's drunk. _*Rajesh whispers on Daniel's ear again.* _He asked me to say, Superman, he's one your biggest fan!

Sawyer: Look, can he help us out or not?

Daniel: He can, if all the women could please gives us a few minutes, we'll explain everything later.

Juliet, Kate and Alex, the only female characters left, feel insulted, but leave anyway.

Sawyer: All right, Pokoyo, all women are gone, except for Jack.

Jack [insulted]: Hey!

Sawyer: Now why don't you begin from the beginning?

Rajesh: When Daniel told you that by exploding the hydrogen bomb it would make things right he neglected the Autoinfanticide Paradox.

Hurley: Auto what?

Rajesh: Autoinfanticide Paradox, when a time traveler goes back and attempts to kill himself as an infant. If he were to do so, he never would have grown up to go back in time to kill himself as an infant. It's wrong, it never works, and he gets caught up in a loop.

Daniel: Of course that's not what happened with us, nobody tried to kill themselves as a baby.

Rajesh: No, but it had the same effect. See, Daniel thought that if he blew up the hatch before it was built, then Desmond would never fail to push the button and the plane would never crash, correct?

Daniel: Yes, Raj, that would be correct.

Rajesh: But his theory was flawed, it tempered Paradox, if there was no hatch, then the plane never crashed, and so Jack was never on the island, and he never went to the seventies to detonate the bomb in the first place. Same could be said for the time travel, if the plane never crashed, then Locke wouldn't be told to move the island, and so no one would ever be sent back in time. I could go on!

Daniel: No, Raj, I think they understand that I overlooked Paradox a little bit. Thank you for emphasizing my errors.

Rajesh: The point is, when the bomb was finally detonated, Paradox sent you guys back to where everything started, the day of the plane crash.

Sawyer: Ok, even Mohamed came to that conclusion. What we want to know is what to do next.

Rajesh: You people got sucked into this loop when your friend Desmond failed to push the button and now you are trapped here forever.

Jack: What are you talking about?

Rajesh: I'm saying that John is right, you're not supposed to leave the island. There's no way out. If you try to fix things, it would only cause another reset.

Sawyer: So, we're stuck here?

Rajesh: Pretty much!

Sawyer: Ah, well, it's fine for me. I just need to get Joey to convince Juliet and Kate that they love each other, and I'll have two beautiful women just for myself in a beautiful island. What more could I ask for?

Jack: I'm sure you're ignoring things. Why do you say that we are stuck here forever?

Sawyer [explaining to Rajesh]: Jack has this hero complex, if the show ends without him being the hero he'll have a heart attack.

Daniel: And leave Juliet and Kate all to yourself.

Sawyer [happier]: This plan just gets better and better!

Jack [holding Rajesh by his shirt]: There's gotta be a way out of this!

Rajesh: There isn't, because of that kid over there!

He points at six year old Charlie Hume, everyone looks at the boy confused, thinking of why the boy was so important, and then turn to Rajesh for explanation.

Rajesh: It's all his fault we're in a loop!

Desmond [angry]: What is the problem with my son?

Rajesh: What's his name?

Desmond: It's Charlie.

Rajesh: No, what's his full name?

Desmond: It's Charles Hume Widmore.

Benjamin [shocked]: Charles Widmore?! I hate Charles Widmore.

Rajesh: Exactly, he's Charles Widmore! He's been cheating death for years, and that's why you are all in this loop.

Sawyer: Care to elaborate on that, Dr. Emmett Brown?

Rajesh: It's easy, at some point in time the smoke monster will have killed all of you except for those children over there that are special. Don't you see the resemblance? Alex represents Ben, because she's his daughter, she'll tell them the only way to help the island is by moving it, when she moves the island she'll be teleported out of it leaving Charlie, Walt and Ji Yeon to travel back and forth in time. Ji Yeon, who speaks Korean just like Charlotte, will die of brain aneurism caused by the time jumps. Walt, that represents John Locke because they were both in flight 815, will come up with the brilliant idea that he needs to bring Alex back to stop the flashes, so he goes down at the orchid station to stop the wheel from turning. Now, do you see what's going to happen next?

No one answers.

Rajesh: Just like Sawyer, Juliet and company. Charlie will make a living in a time where he doesn't belong. He'll get stuck alone in 1944, Richard will find him, but because he's just a child, Richard will want to help him. Charlie at this point is disappointed at his father because he was doing drugs with another Charlie, so he'll tell Richard that he's name is Charles Widmore, and that, people, is how this child becomes he's own grandfather, the guy responsible for you being in this loop.

Desmond [to little Charlie]: Is that true? Are you also my father-in-law the man who said I wasn't worthy of drinking your whiskey.

Charlie: Look at you, you're a drug addict. You're not worthy of my mother! You abandoned her to go on a stupid race around the world, and that was how it all begun! If you hadn't abandoned her in the first place, you wouldn't fail to push the button, there would be no time travel and I wouldn't be sent back in time. It's all your fault, not mine!

Hurley: Dude, this is twisted, your mother is also your daughter?

Ben: As twisted as I'm Juliet's nephew.

Daniel: And I'm my father's uncle. Talk about human inbreed, huh?

Sayid: Well, if this boy is responsible for the loop, I say we kill him right here right now!

Sawyer: Haven't you learned anything from trying to kill young Ben?

Ben: Ford, forgive and forget, go ahead Sayid, kill Widmore NOW!

Rajesh: Nobody is going to kill anyone! Because if little Charlie dies now then he won't be able to conceive Penny, and if Penny isn't born, Charlie isn't born and it would be like you killed a ghost. And if that happens, THE UNIVERSE EXPLODES!

Jack: So we're back to being stuck here.

Rajesh: Exactly!

Hurley: Dude, this doesn't make any sense.

Rajesh: This is Lost, did you honestly expect that the end of the show would make any sense?

Hurley: No, but I still had hopes this was all in my head. Ok, but I have just on question for you.

Rajesh: Sure, let's have it.

Hurley: Who came first the egg or the chicken?

Rajesh: Is this supposed to be a joke?

Hurley: No, dude, like, who was conceived first? Penny or Charlie Widmore? Did Charlie conceive Penny and then Penny conceived Charlie? Or was it the other way around? Penny conceived Charlie and then Charlie conceived Penny?

Rajesh [thinking]: Good question!

Locke: It's like my compass.

Jack [annoyed to hear John's voice]: What does your compass have to do with anything?

Locke: When I was eight years old, Richard came to my house and gave me a compass. When I was in 2007 I gave Richard this same compass and asked him to give it to my time travelling self. Then my time traveling self gave the compass to Richard when I was in 1954 which is how he got it to give it to me when I was eight. Now tell me, whose compass is it? Mine or Richard's?

Everyone turned to Rajesh for an answer.

Rajesh [shrugging]: I guess we'll never know!

---------------

Daniel leads Kate and Juliet to a far off beach where Joey and Rajesh are talking. They can't hear what they are speaking.

Kate: So, what did you bring us out here for?

Daniel: Joey is coaching Raj how to speak with women. He asked me to go get the two of you so he can practice.

Juliet: Boy, this otta be good.

They watch as the two man approach them. Rajesh tries to start a conversation, but the words get caught up in his throat. He's not drunk and he knows he won't be able to do it. So he looks at Joey for help.

Joey [annoyed]: JUST DO IT, RAJ!

Raj [in a strong Indian accent]: How you doing?

Juliet and Kate roll their eyes and leave the men behind. Rajesh looks at Joey angry because he made things even worse.

Joey: It's not my fault you that you said it wrong!

* * *

**Next week on After the Boom:** 6.09 - All the Ships on the Ocean

They hear something approaching. They are in the dark territory, everyone is scared, afraid that it's the smoke monster attacking again. Juliet points the wand at the thing that is approaching.

Juliet: _Expectro Patronum_! Locke, I'm having faith, and nothing is happening.

Sayid: You're supposed to think of happy memory?

Juliet: Isn't that what you do when you want to fly?

Sayid: I think that is thinking of a happy _thought_!


	9. Episode – 609

**6.09**** - All the Ships on the Ocean**

**Author's Note:** I just finished writing this chapter, it wasn't in the original outline, but I've recently realized that there were a couple of unanswered questions that I wanted to explore. I'm trying so hard to please everyone that I have completely ignored Juliet for the past, what, four chapters? And my friend **Priiscila** is nagging me constantly about the lack of Juliet…

Seriously, I think I'm going crazy!

So… I used this chapter to write more of these characters that are your favorites, you can expect a lot of Richard, Walt and Juliet in this chapter. I love you guys and your kind reviews, and your patience, so here is a chapter just for you. I really hope that there are enough of your favorite characters, and I hope you like what I've done with them.

And oh, there is a cute little Suliet moment that I wrote just for me. I've missed writing those two, I love them together! **S2**

---------------

At the beach camp, the survivors sit around eating fish that Jin caught, because that seems to be about all they do. They are laughing and telling jokes.

Ethan: Ok, I got a good one. How many Lost characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Paulo: I don't know how many?

Ethan: Six characters… It needs Locke to tell everyone the island wants the light bulb to be changed; it needs Jack to think that by changing it he'll fix everything; Ben to manipulate everyone into changing it; Sawyer to nickname whoever changes it as electrician; Hurley to freak out when he finds out that the light bulb's serial number is 4 8 15 16 23 42; and last, but not least, it needs Kate to do the screwing!

Everyone laughs at the punch line.

Jin [the only one who isn't laughing]: Screwing?

Sun: You would think that by learning English with Sawyer he would be less innocent than this.

Claire: Not that this isn't funny, but why are why are we sitting around telling jokes?

Rose: Because we are not A-team, A-team is always on a quest, we just sit around eating fish.

Bernard: Isn't this a nice retirement?

Rose and Bernard smile warmly at each other.

Ethan: And also because the author is running out of funny plot ideas, so she's just writing in jokes.

Nathan: Ok, I got a good one.

Sullivan: Who the hell are you?

Nathan: I'm the guy that Lucia held prisoner and then got killed by Goodwin. Who the hell are _you_?

Sullivan: The hypochondriac who had a rash.

Nathan: Oh… Ok, then, here it goes. How to make a peanut butter sandwich by Charlie: 1) Gather all the ingredients. 2) Look at a Virgin Marry Statue. 3) Decide to bake funny brownies instead.

Everyone laughs, but Claire. Even Jin laughs, although I'm not exactly sure that he gets it.

Claire [angry]: What are you implying?

Silence falls as Claire glares at Nathan as if she could kill him.

Nathan: We should really talk about something else.

Ethan: Yeah… I think it's best we talk about something else, maybe we can explore the deep secrets of Lost to see if we find a good explanation for all the crap that has been happening.

Claire: Great idea, why don't we talk about, I don't know, the fact that I gave birth to a full grown toddler?

Paulo: Now, that is an interesting subject, I still don't know how you managed that, Claire?

Shannon: Yes, I was right there when Ethan held up Aaron, it was freaky.

Sun [worried]: Do you think I'm going to give birth to a three year old too?

Ethan: Don't worry, everything is perfectly normal. _*makes mind note to tell Ben about Sun's pregnancy*_ You don't need to worry about having a toddler, Sun. There's a reason why Aaron is three years old now...

Everyone waits impatiently for an answer.

---------------

Meanwhile, A-team and company are walking back to the beach camp. They stop by the Black Rock for some dynamite, one never knows when things will need to be exploded in Lost. Jack and Kate are fighting about who is going to carry the explosives; the red shirts run as far away from the ship as possible afraid of getting blown up; Sayid is holding a stick as he says something that sounds like Latin.

Locke: No, no, no, you're doing it all wrong. You shake it and then you say it.

Sayid [shaking the stick]: Cruciatus! _*nothing happens*_ This isn't working!

Juliet: What are you two doing?

Locke: I'm trying to teach Sayid other torture methods.

Sayid: I'm trying to torture that spider using one of Harry Potter's spells.

Juliet: What has the spider done to you?

Sayid: Why? Mad-Eye Mood can torture a spider, but I can't?

Juliet: Sayid, you're neither Saywer nor Jack… So I don't really care… But… Do these spells really work?

Sayid: Locke says they do.

Locke: The island told me that the spells work.

Juliet: Ok, then let me try something. _*She gets "wand," points it at Ben and shake her hand*_ _Avada Kedavra_! _*Nothing happens, she tries again.*_ _Sectusempra_! _*Nothing happens again.*_ It doesn't work, Locke is just being stupid.

Locke: Juliet you need to have faith in the island!

They hear something approaching. They are in the dark territory, everyone is scared, afraid that it's the smoke monster attacking. Juliet points the wand at the thing that is approaching.

Juliet: _Expectro Patronum_! Locke, I'm having faith, and nothing is happening.

Sayid: You're supposed to think of happy memory?

Juliet: Isn't that what you do when you want to fly?

Sayid: I think that is thinking of a happy _thought_!

Juliet: What's the difference?!

Sayid: I don't know, but you shouldn't bash JK Rowling for not being creative, the author loves her.

Sawyer: Sonuvabitch! Where the hell are all our guns?

Sayid: What do you mean you don't know where the guns are? We always have guns for no apparent reason.

The sound is getting near.

Jack: Ok, no need to panic. If all else fails, we can always do what we do best.

Richard: What? We count to five?

Jack: No, we run for our lives while the rain pours.

Richard: But it's not raining!

Jack: Oh, then if it's not raining, then I don't think we're really in danger.

Walt begins to get impatient with these people's stupidity, he walks towards Juliet, he takes the wand from her hand, points it on the right direction, shakes his hand.

Walt: _Expectro Patronum_!

A bright ghostly like polar bear comes out of the wand, it runs in the direction of the sound, soon they can all hear desperate cries for help. They watch with curiosity as Ana Lucia, Libby, and the rest of the others and Kahana group comes running towards them.

Miles [scared to death]: I saw a ghost, I saw a ghost, this time I really saw a ghost!

Miles sees Sawyer watching him confused, so he runs to him and holds Sawyer, shaking with fear.

Miles: Jim, please, hold me!

Sawyer [pushing him away disgusted]: It was Walt's damn Patronus. And I told you to never call me Jim ever again!

Miles [embarrassed because everyone is watching him]: What is a Patronus?

Michael [to Walt]: And how come you never told me you were Harry Potter?

Kate: And how come there is a reference to Harry Potter and not Twilight?

Walt: Oh, please, don't tell me you're a Twilight fan?

Kate: No, but it seems there's always a reference to Twilight on crackfics like this. I'm just confused, that's all.

---------------

Ethan has just explained to everyone about Aaron.

Claire [shocked]: Aaron is Jacob?!

Ethan: Yes, he is, that's why he was three years old when you gave birth to him.

Claire: But… but…

Ethan: Tell us Claire, when you visited that psychic what did he tell you?

Claire: That Aaron shouldn't be raised by another, that great danger surrounded him.

Ethan: Exactly, because Esau, Jacob's brother, would take the opportunity of him being just a baby to kill him.

Claire: No one is going to kill my baby!

Ethan: He can pass himself as anyone.

Claire: Oh, my God! Esau was my father!

Ethan: Your father?

Claire: Yes, one day I woke up, and my father was holding Aaron, I mean Jacob, and when I asked him about it, he said that Aaron didn't belong here on the island. So he made me abandon my baby, and he locked me up on the Black Rock for a whole season.

Rose: So that's where you disappeared to?

Claire: I thought it was pretty obvious, there was even a foreshadowing in first season.

Sun: What foreshadowing?

Claire: Charlie read it on my diary, remember? That I was dreaming about my father keeping me prisoner on the Black Rock.

Sun: How come I missed that?

Claire: Yeah, and I was there, waiting for someone to come rescue, but you're all a bunch of selfish lunatics, aren't you? You forgot about me, and then you stole my baby!

Sun: Excuse me, if I let this tiny piece of information pass me by, but there's no reason to generalize. Kate was the one who stole your baby, not me.

Aaron [pointing a finger at Sun]: You're lying, you're a liar!

Sun [insulted]: Claire, teach your son some respect!

Aaron: You wanted to steal me from Kate, I was sleeping in the backseat, but I'm Jacob all mighty, I can hear what people say even in my sleep, and even when they speak in Korean. You were telling your daughter that you found her a new friend. You intended to steal me too. You're a liar.

Sun [in a childish manner]: And you're a tattler!

Rose: You were going to steal Aaron from Kate?

Sun: She had stolen him from Claire first!

Aaron begins to giggle, everyone looks at him.

Aaron [with a silly grin]: I'm so cute all the women want to have me as a baby! That's why I rule the island!

---------------

A-team and company are walking back to the beach camp.

Michael [to Walt]: You were pretty cool earlier casting that spell.

Richard: Are you trying to be a father to Walt?

Michael [annoyed]: Was I talking to you?

Richard: No, but Walt is my son, now, so…

Michael: Come again?

Walt: When they kidnapped me, Dad. Richard adopted me.

Michael: WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?!

Richard: At least it's an improvement from WALLLLLT.

Walt: He didn't say it why did you have to?

Michael: what do you mean you adopted my son? He's my boy! _*Ben snorts sarcastically* _What is it, Mr. We-are-the-good-guys?

Sawyer [laughing]: Loved the nickname, man!

Ben: I'm laughing because Richard took Walt's innocence too.

Richard: The way you said it sounded like it had a double meaning.

Ben: Isn't that what you do, Richard? Don't you take little boys' innocence?

Richard: Now, that defiantly had a double meaning. And a very bad one! That's NOT what I do!

Sawyer: But that's what you said you would do to little Ben.

Walt: Since it's my supposed innocence that Richard took, I'm gonna stop you guys right there! Richard adopted me, that's all there was to it. And when I grow up, I'm going to assume the leadership of the Others. That's what Richard's adoptive children do.

Michael: That's cool son, I'm proud of you.

Walt: What's wrong with you today? Why are you trying so hard to start up a conversation with me?

Michael: I'm trying to get to know my son.

Walt: But I already said that Richard is my father now.

Michael [starting to cry]: But you're my son, my boy!

Walt: To be fair, I like having Richard as my father more than I do you. At least Richard doesn't go around killing people because of me.

Michael [pointing at Juliet]: It was her fault. She told me to do whatever it took to protect the people I love! _*turns to Richard*_ Why did you have to steal my son?

Richard: I don't age, so I can't have a normal relationship. The only kids I can have are the ones I kidnap, I mean, adopt.

Sayid [dropping in on the conversation]: You want to talk about shipping. Why should Jack and Sawyer be allowed to have a love quadrangle, while I get stuck with nothing?

Boone: Wait until Shannon hears this, I'm so gonna tell on you!

Sayid: I mean I could make a ship with Kate, we've both done bad things it could be called Katedid!

Juliet [jealous]: I can't believe it's Kate the one you want to make a ship with. I get it, Kate is the hot one, I'm second best. You people don't need to shove it on my face all the time.

Sayid [holding Juliet from behind]: Don't be like this Juliet. I want to make a ship with you too, we could be Juicyid, it's Juicy!

Sawyer [pushing him away from Juliet]: Get the hell away from my girlfriend!

Sayid looks at Sawyer disappointed that his idea of making a love pentagon was turned down so harshly. Sawyer holds Juliet from behind and kisses the back of her head in a clear possessive manner.

Sawyer: I think you're the hot one! You kissed Angelina Jolie on the mouth. If that's not hot, I don't know what is… For me Kate's is second best.

Juliet [pouting]: I want Kate to be your nothing.

Sawyer [whispering on her ear]: She means nothing to me, Blondie!

Jack: You feel so hot now that everyone is supporting Suliet, but you two are nothing more than blonde Jate!

Richard [cheering]: Fight, fight, fight!

Kate: Yes, everyone knows that Jate is Lost OTP, James!_ *Everyone gasps*_

Miles: You probably shouldn't call him James.

Jack: Why? Just because he doesn't like it? I don't care about Sawyer likes!

Juliet: No, it's because only I can call him James!

Sawyer: Calling me James is like calling me Honey. And only Juliet can call me that.

Sawyer kisses Juliet's earlobe tenderly and she giggles like a teenager. Kate rolls her eyes at the sight.

Kate: I don't care about what your girlfriend thinks, I'll call you James anytime I want to, James…

Kate is cut off by Juliet's fist hitting her hard on the lips.

Walt [excited]: CHICK FIGHT!

Everyone gathers in a circle to watch as Kate and Juliet roll around on the floor pulling at each other's hair.

Daniel [holding Charlotte's hand]: As always, the cuter ships are ignored!

---------------

Paulo [muttering]: Much obliged… Much obliged…

Niki: Why are you repeating that sentence?

Paulo: I'm just angry because my English teacher taught me "Muito Obrigado" in English was "Thank You" but it's actually not, it's "Much Obliged."

Niki: So? Nobody really says that anymore, just dorks like Ethan!

Paulo: Because it's different, it's like teaching me that "Maçã" in English is "Pear" when it's actually "Apple." I mean they are both fruits, they just are not the same words.

Niki: You tire me, Paulo!

Paulo: But it messed up with my grasp on the language, ok? I could be saying one thing when I mean another, and I'll never know for sure. "Thank You" in Portuguese is "Valeu," but what it if I wanted to be polite? What if I wanted to say "Muito Obrigado?"

Niki [pulling her hair out]: ARGH!

Arzt: Niki, I collected a few cool bugs, do you wanna see them?

Niki: It's either this or keep listening Mr. I'm-this-close-to-suing-my-English-teacher-because-I'm-a-stupid-but-really-hot-nerd! Ok, I'll go.

Niki leaves with Arzt while Paulo mumbles to himself.

* * *

******Next week on After the Boom:** Lost grand finale we've all been waiting for!

_Juliet: I don't think it has nothing to do with physics._

_Ben [annoyed at her]: Then what is it all about, Juliet?_

_Juliet: It's about Shakespeare, can't you see it?_

_Richard: Just because your name is Juliet, and one of the Dharma Stations was named after a Shakespeare play? On__** your **__centric episode! I'd never realized your ego was this big, Juliet!_


	10. Episode – 610

**6.10 - ****Chuck vs The Island**

**Author's Note:** I'm getting so excited with the number of reviews, I want to thank you all for always leaving me a kind review. I'm trying hard to fit everyone's favorites in the story, and now I'm working on a chapter for **kab16**. =D

This chapter is Lost's grand finale, but it is not the end of **After the Boom**! I have ideas for 14 maybe 15 chapters. So, don't leave me before I reach 100 reviews! Pretty Please!!!

And also, if you like funny stories like this one, please check out **hjr**'s **Lost Messed Up**. I promise it's really funny, and it's a waste that so little people are reading it.

On with the show!

---------------

A-team and company are getting close to the beach camp.

Joey [to Charlotte]: How you doing?

Charlotte: It's either "how do you do," or "how are you doing!"

Joey: Sorry I was just trying to pick up a conversation.

Charlotte: Then next time you approach a girl try to talk like a man, not like a child.

Joey: I'll try… Hey your friend Daniel said you were an _antropolentologist_. I have a friend who is an _antropolentologist _too.

Charlotte [annoyed]: I'm a Cultural Anthropologist, not _antropolentologist_, that word doesn't even exist. And you're friend is a Paleontologist, it's completely different than what I do!

She starts to walk faster so she doesn't have to talk to him anymore. Joey looks at Daniel.

Joey [angry]: You said she was nice!

Back at the line of people, Richard, Ben, Locke, Desmond, Jack, Kate, Sawyer and Juliet were still discussing all the possibilities behind Lost biggest secret.

Richard: It was 1800, I don't remember the year precisely, after all, it was a really long time ago. I was the captain of the Black Rock, and our ship got caught up in a violent storm, once the storm cleared, we found land. Then as if by magic, the boat simply wrecked in the middle of the jungle. Where I met Jacob and he gave me the gift of never aging.

Ben: It's the Casimir Effect, I'm telling you?

Richard: How does this theory explains the Black Rock just wrecking in the middle of the jungle?

Ben: It's rather simple, actually. The Casimir effect is an electromagnetic phenomenon. Where two conductive metal plates places close together in the absence of an electric field. The effect then produces a small increase in the vacuum energy between the two plates. Theoretically, the Casimir effect could be used to stabilize a wormhole, somewhat a similar analogy to the Hawking effect.

Desmond: Eloise Hawking, I hate the woman! If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't even be here. And I hate Charles Widmore. _*points a finger at Daniel.* _And I hate the little bastard that came out of their relationship.

Daniel slows down his pace so that they could catch up to him.

Daniel: Hey calm down, Desmond, I think Ben might be on to something here.

Ben: Thank you, Daniel, as I was saying, much like the Hawking effect at the event horizon of a black hole, the vacuum energy will result in particle pair production. If the vacuum energy is increased in the region of the Casimir effect while the matter, that being the Black Rock, is put at the edge of the black hole, the boat could have been split off in two. One that flooded and one that wrecked in the middle of the jungle.

Richard: Uh, that's freaky, I'm a copy of the original Richard.

Daniel: Yes, and that also explain why they found oceanic 815 in the bottom of the ocean, maybe it wasn't a conspiracy after all, maybe it was the real plane, and the one that crashed on the island was just a copy.

Ben: Has anyone seen the Orchid Station Orientation video where number fifteen bunny got duplicated?

Locke: So that was what happened to the damn rabbit!

Sawyer: You bug eyed creep, those number eight bunnies, they were two, weren't they?

Ben: Anyway… Casimir Effect also explains time travel!

Locke: And also why there were two of me in season five finale.

Juliet: I don't think it has nothing to do with physics.

Ben [annoyed at her]: Then what is it all about, Juliet?

Juliet: It's about Shakespeare, can't you see it?

Richard: Just because your name is Juliet, and one of the Dharma Stations was named after a Shakespeare play? On _your _centric episode! I'd never realized your ego was this big, Juliet!

Juliet: No, eyeliner!

Sawyer [more in love than ever]: I love it when you nickname people!

Juliet [smiling]: It's actually because of Kate's name?

Richard: Kate's name?

Juliet: Yes, I'm Juliet, from Romeo and Juliet. And she is Kate, from The Taming of the Shrew. And we're the most important female characters in Lost, therefore, it's all about Shakespeare?

Jack [holding Ben's head]: To be or not to be Lost, that is the question!

Ben: Why me?

Jack: Because you're so ugly your face looks like a skull.

Richard: Oh, no, if that's true, we are all gonna get poisoned in the end, aren't we?

Sawyer [to Kate and Juliet]: Hey, can I be both Petruchio and Romeo in this little role playing game of the two of you?

---------------

Back at beach camp, Sun and Claire were talking. Near them Jin, Ethan and Paulo are working on a trap, Shannon is helping them by trying to translate a piece of paper from Danielle's that they think are instructions on how to build a good trap.

Shannon [reading the note]: _"D'autres! __J'ai 34 ans et actuellement je nes sais pas pourquoi ils ont enlevé mon bébé!" _Ok, so _actuellement _means actually... Enlevé mon is eleven months. And _sais_ I think is sail… D'autres, maybe... The Author, yes that's it! So, what it says is. "The author said that I have 34 ants that actually sailed for eleven months."

Ethan: This doesn't make any sense, are you sure you really speak French?

Shannon [annoyed]: Look it's not my fault the woman who wrote this is crazy, ok?

Paulo: What else does it say?

A-team and the rest of the cast arrive at beach camp.

Shannon: Nothing… Just some numbers… 4, 8, 15…

Hurley [interrupting]: Dude, no, don't say it, THE NUMBERS ARE BAD!!!

Hurley grabs the piece of paper and shreds it into pieces.

Desmond: 16, 23 and 42. Right?

Shannon [intrigued]: How do you know?

Jack [curious]: What are you guys doing?

Jin: We build trap… For… Vincent!

Sun: Jin, you speak English NOW… How many times do I have to remember you?

Jin: Yes, well… As you can see, we are building a trap for Vincent.

Walt [mad]: What do you guys want with my dog?

Ethan [talking down on him]: We're not gonna hurt your dog.

Walt: Vincent is a free dog, and if you so much as try to catch him, do you know what I'm capable of doing?

Ethan: Uh, I'm scared, what is a 10/17 year old gonna do?

Walt: You really don't know who you're talking to, huh?

Walt makes a mad face looks up at the sky and it starts to rain.

Ethan [sarcastic]: You can make rain, I'm terrified.

Walt continues to make a mad face, a bird flies close to Ethan and literally drops dead in front of him.

Ethan: What else can you do that makes you so special?

A lightning strikes really close to Ethan. Everyone screams. It burned U.S. Marshal's tent and finally put him out of his misery.

Michael [trying to calm Walt down while holding him by the arm]: Son, calm down, make it all stop.

Walt: Do you know what these people did to me? They locked me in a room and made me watch a stupid video 24/7 that said God loved me as he loved Jacob.

Michael: Yes, I believe you, but you are kind of scaring everyone else here!

Suddenly it stops raining and all is calm again.

Locke [proud]: I always said that he was special!

Zach: Cool! How did you do that?

Ji Yeon: He is special, I'm special too, we are the **Children of the Island**. _*it echoes as always*_

Sawyer: Are we going to have to listen to that crap about Narnia of Lost again?

Sun [holding Jin excited]: Jin, that's our daughter!

Jin: Really?!

Hurley: Yeah, dude, she looks just like you, can't you tell?

Jin picks up Ji Yeaon for a hug, the three of them begin to cry.

Emma: This is so cool, I bet you guys are more important than all the rest of the characters.

Alex: Yes, we are. You wanna be a part of the **Children of the Island**? _*I'm kind of getting tired of saying that it echoes, I think you got it already!*_

Zach & Emma: YES!

Alex: Then come with me for your initiation test.

Emma: It's not gonna be something dangerous, is it?

Little Charlie: Of course not, you just need to prove that you are special by looking into the eye of the island.

Locke [emotional]: I knew I was special!

The Children of the Island leave, except for Walt.

Walt: I want to know what you guys want to do to my dog.

Paulo: If you knew what your dog was, you wouldn't be acting like this.

Ethan: Yes, Walt, did you know that Vincent is actually the smoke monster?

Locke [excited]: I knew that dog was…

Jack [grabbing him by the shirt and showing him his fist]: I swear to Jacob if you say special one more time I'm so gonna thumb you!

Sawyer [to Ethan]: You're telling me that the monster was living with us all along?

Ethan: Yup, pretty much it. But now that he knows his secret is out, he isn't showing up anymore. That's why we're building this trap.

Locke [eying Jack who still has a hold on his shirt]: I believe I can help with that.

Jack releases him so Locke reaches inside his pocket and gets the whistle he had carved in the beginning of first season. He whistles and soon Vincent comes running out of the jungle. Vincent notices everyone looking at him with angry faces, he turns around and heads back into the jungle.

Sawyer: You come back here, Cujo!

A-team runs after the yellow Labrador.

---------------

Jack, Kate, Sawyer and Juliet have lost Vincent, but Kate is still trying to find his trail, when they run into a guy, wearing black slacks, white shirt and a gray tie. He is running desperately. The first person he sees is Jack, he stops and his eyes move quickly.

Guy: You are Jack Shephard!

Jack: Hey you know my name but I don't know yours.

Guy: I'm Chuck Bartowski, the Intersect.

Kate: The Intersect? Is that supposed to mean something to us?

Chuck faces Kate, and his eyes move quickly again. He does the same when he looks at Sawyer and Juliet.

Chuck: Whoa, so many flashes!

Juliet: You have flashes too, that must mean you're an important character.

Chuck: No, that's not it. I'm… I have a computer in my brain. One day an old friend sent me an e-mail when I opened it, it caused me to download into my brain the full contents of a CIA/NSA supercomputer known as the Intersect, which had served as a database for their combined collected intelligence. But the computer was destroyed, and so my brain is the only location of these top-secret information. I don't really have access to these information, I have flashes.

Sawyer: And how did you get here, David?

Chuck [confused]: My name is Chuck!

Sawyer: It's David from the movie AI, the little android. Jeez!

Juliet: James likes to nickname people.

Chuck: I know it's in his file.

Jack: So the CIA has files on us? Why?!

They hear someone approaching.

Chuck: It's Keamy, we better run!

Keamy starts shooting, they start running.

Keamy [screaming]: I'm gonna get you this time, Benjamin Linus. Do you know what I have here, Ben? It's your dear bunny number eight. You have thirty seconds to show up or I'll blow his little brain out?

Juliet [terrified]: He's crazy!

Chuck: Charlie Widmore hired him. They took me to the island against my will. But don't worry the CIA and NSA are looking for me.

Sawyer: Good luck, David, but we've been waiting for rescue for six years. No one has found us yet!

Chuck: Oh, no, Sarah would never leave me behind.

Kate: Which Sarah?

Chuck: What do you mean which Sarah?

Jack: My ex-wife Sarah; Jacob's grandmother Sarah; or Ana Lucia's alias Sarah?

Chuck: My Sarah! Agent Walker.

Juliet: Another Sarah! Man, Hurley is right, we really need to start a census.

They hear the smoke monster, they all stop running to look at it, including Keamy. The monster approaches them quickly, it grabs Keamy by the waist. Keamy lets go of the bunny that hops away. They don't want to wait for them to be next so they run again as they hear Keamy's screams echoing in the jungle. They keep running desperately until they run into Walt with Vincent sitting idly by his master's side.

Walt: Keamy is gone, we're safe now.

Chuck: What do you mean we're safe? What was that thing? What happened to Keamy?

Walt: Vincent happened.

Vincent: Woof, woof, grrrrrrr, woof.

Walt: He said that he took care of Keamy, and that he will leave you people alone if you don't mess with either him or me. Is that understood?

Sawyer: You did a lot more than just growing up, didn't you? But don't worry I ain't messing with you and Marley, John Grogan! Jeez, I liked you better when you were an annoying little brat.

Walt eyes him suspiciously, they head back to the beach in silence.

---------------

At the beach everyone stands around in a circle, they want to get the bottom of this for once and for all. Chuck is explaining to them why the CIA and NSA had files on all of them.

Chuck: You guys, stranded here on this somewhat deserted island, it's an U.S. government experiment to study the human relationship. Those flashes you guys have, they are all implanted memories, they're not real!

Hurley: Dude, that was my theory, I can't believe I was right!

Jack: But Carlton and Damon told me that the end would be sad, but beautiful. And this is neither, it's just stupid.

Kate [angry]: You knew how the show would end and you didn't tell us!

Juliet [also angry]: What else did you know about the end, Jack?

Jack: Nothing, that's all they told me, that it would be beautiful, but sad…

Sawyer: I'll tell you, it's sad that we're stuck on this island forever, but it's beautiful that I get to keep both Blondie and Freckles all to myself.

Kate: Leave me out of this, Sawyer, I wanna end up with Ben.

Kate moves to Ben's left side, he holds her by the waist.

Sawyer: Fine, you always gave me headaches anyway. At least I got you, right, Blondie?

Juliet: I'm tired of you, James, deep down inside you'll always love Kate. I wanna end up with Ben too.

Juliet moves to Ben's right side, he holds her by the waist too and he smiles at Sawyer smugly.

Ben: I know what name they will be saying first now, it's gonna be Ben!

Sawyer [pissed at Juliet]: But he also loves Kate!

Juliet: But he's obsessed with me, and that is kind of hot.

Ben [the happiest he's ever been]: Come one girls, let's go to the barracks.

Kate: Are you going to show us you secret room?

Ben: You bet I will. _*They start to leave*_ I've heard Big Love was casting, what do you think?

Sawyer [watching them leave]: Son of a bitch, that's sad!

Jack: And you want to know what's beautiful, Sawyer?

Sawyer: Shoot!

Jack: It's beautiful that now that Kate and Juliet are out of the picture we don't have to pretend anymore. We can finally be together!

Sawyer: Are you out of your mind?

Jack: I've never been more sure in my entire life. I've always wanted to be with a cowboy.

Sawyer watches him with eyes wide open as Jack approaches him puckering up. Sawyer runs into the jungle, Jack smiles, he loves it when they play hard to get. He runs after Sawyer.

Jack: Come back here, Sawyer, let me show you how good I am at fixing things!

---------------

As Jack chases Sawyer into the jungle, the camera zooms out revealing Lost biggest secret. It's not that the island was an U.S. government experiment, it wasn't Casimir effect, nor a bloody snow globe. It wasn't on Hurley's imagination either. To tell you the truth, it wasn't even an island. It was a giant turtle. It is a giant turtle that is floating in the ocean, and the Losties are all on top of it!

**...LOST...**

* * *

**Author's Note:** After this finale, I'm seriously afraid of getting my butt kicked by all the Sulieters and Jaters! But hey, try to understand it, it's a crackfic, it's supposed to be unrealistic. And let's face it, Ben, Kate and Juliet ending up together, that's funny!

I'm not entirely sure the sentence I wrote in French is grammatically correct. But give me a break, I have enough trouble proof reading my own story already. Let alone proof read my French! Portuguese is still my first language.

* * *

**Next week on After the Boom:** Check out the bonus features of Season Six box set of Lost.

_Jack: Get __the hell out, can't you see that this is the moment Jate becomes Fate?_

_Charlie: Well, Fate is Late, mate. Hey, that rhymed, I should have sung it. Wait, here it goes. __**Fate is late, mate**__! It's gonna be my next song, did you guys like it?_


	11. Bonus Feature – 01

**Bonus Feature**** #01 - The Lost Musical**

**Author's Note:** A Lost Musical, this is so overdue! Sun & Jin's number you heard it first on **Circle of Trust**! How does **Wickedgal08 **come up with that stuff? I'll never know!

---------------

Desmond is asleep when he hears the alarm of the computer. He gets up, goes to the computer room, he sits on the chair and wheels closer to the computer, enters the numbers, presses execute. Desmond gets up, it's a normal morning, he's in the mood to listen to some good music. He chooses Mama Cass's record and is about to put it on when he hears.

_The hills are alive with the sound of music!_

He is now intrigued, he puts on his Dharma jumpsuit and goes out of the hatch. Desmond finds Locke with arms wide open, spinning, skipping and dancing in his best impersonation of Julie Andrews.

Desmond: What's going on, brotha?

Locke: It's the Lost Musical!

Desmond: Aye… Let's rock then!

Charlie comes out of the jungle and starts to play his guitar. Pretty much all the cast comes out of the jungle too and they break out dancing.

Charlie: _You all everybody…_

Everyone stops dancing to look mad at Charlie.

Charlie: What? It's a musical isn't it?

Locke: It is, but it's not about that stupid song with three lines lyrics. A musical is about passion, when you stop saying and you start singing. _*He points a finger at Charlie* You think I'm an ignorant cripple!_

Ben: Pocahontas? Really? How gay is that?

Locke [pointing a finger at Ben]: _And you've manipulated so many people, I guess it must be so. __But still I cannot see, if the manipulated one is me. How can there be so much that you don't know? You don't know!_

Locke dances around like a proud Ballerina.

Locke [singing to Widmore]: _You think you own whatever land you land on. The island is just a dead thing you can claim. But I know every rock and tree and creature. Has a life, has a spirit, has a name!_

Locke [singing to Jack]: _You think the only losties who are lost. Are the losties who think you are the man! But if you take a leap of faith you'll see. You'll learn things you never knew you never knew!_

Locke [dancing around]:_ Have you ever heard Smokey roaring into the deep magical jungle? Or asked Walt why he hated his father? Can you sing with all the voices of the island? Can you understand the whispers on the wind? Can you understand the whispers on the wind?_

Locke [singing to Kate]: _Come track with me the hidden trails of the Others. Come taste the sweet oranges of the earth. Come blow up all the hatches all around you. And for once no one will wonder what you did!_

Locke [singing to no one]: _The rainstorm and the river are my brothers. The polar bear and Vincent are my friends. And we are all connected to each other. In a circle in a hoop that never ends. When did Ben kill the Dharma Initiative? If you blow up the island in the seventies, then you'll never know! And you'll never hear Smokey roaring into the deep magical jungle. For whether you are Lostie, Other or whatever… You need to sing with all the voices of the island. You need to understand the whispers on the wind?_

Locke [almost speaking]: _You can own the island and still. All you'll own is earth until. *Unbearably off key* You can_ _understand the whispers ON THE WIND!_

Danielle [clapping her hands furiously]: Bravo, that was beautiful!

Alex: Is she death?

Charlie: No she's just bloody crazy!

Danielle: Ok, my turn, my turn!

Locke: That's not how it works, this is not karaoke, it's a musical, the song has to fit into the story!

Jack: Says the expert!

Danielle: All right, then let me tell you about Robert. _Il n'y a plus dans cette ville la joie qu'il y avait avant,_ _Dans le temps; _

Boone [to Shannon]: What the hell is she singing?

Shannon [annoyed]: Why don't you go sing "I will always love you" with Locke and leave me the hell alone?

Juliet: I think…

Danielle:_ Je suis perdue dans cette ville sans toi, toi qui m'aimais, pourtant, Dans le temps!_

Juliet: She's defiantly singing Downtown!

Danielle: _Je m'en vais seule au long des rues retrouver le passé. D'un amour qui n'existe plus, mais qui a commencé dans cette ville._

Juliet [nodding her head to the rhythm of the music]: I've always liked that song.

Charlie [to Alex]: Death, crazy, I don't really know the difference.

Danielle: _J'ai beau chercher, mais plus rien; j'ai beau chercher dans les rues, mais pourtant c'est en vain, tu sais..._

Danielle [together with Juliet]: _Dans le temps_

Juliet [together with Danielle]: _Downtown_

No one can bear to hear them singing so they all leave.

---------------

Later that afternoon Ben is sitting on the beach, watching from a distance as Sawyer and Juliet make out.

Ben: _Beautiful Blondie of big blue eyes. She had some troubles with herself. I was always there to help her. She always belonged to someone else!_

Sawyer gets up and goes into the jungle, Ben follows him.

Ben: _I tracked for miles and miles and wound up in front of him. I've had you so many times but somehow I want more!_

Sawyer is picking up woods to make a fire. Ben picks up a branch on the floor and hits him on the head.

Ben:_ I don't mind killing every one of them. _

It starts to rain, Ben runs to get Juliet.

Ben: _Or dragging you into the pouring rain._

He shows Juliet Sawyer on the floor, she starts to cry and kneels down next to him, holding his face.

Ben: _I want the girl with the broken smile. I'd give anything if she could be mine for a while. _

Juliet: Ben, what did you do?

Ben: Relax, he's just unconscious. This is just a reminder of what I could do._ And she will be mine! And she will be mine!_

Ben leaves them alone as he keep repeating the last line.

---------------

Kate and Jack are kissing when the rain interrupts them. Kate looks at Jack confused, she's feeling vulnerable, so she starts to walk away from him.

Jack [grabbing her arm]: Kate, why are you afraid?

Kate: Let go of me!

Jack: No, let me help you!

Kate: No you don't know me.

Jack: Tell me what you did, I'm pretty good at helping people. I can fix you.

Kate: _Don't try to fix me I'm not broken!_

Charlie [approaching them with Desmond]: Evanescence, that's a good choice.

Jack: Get out of here, don't you see that this is the moment Jate becomes Fate.

Charlie: Well, Fate is Late, mate. Hey, that rhymed, I should have sung it. Wait, here it goes. _Fate is late, mate! _It's gonna be my next song, did you guys like it?

Jack: Go sing somewhere else.

Desmond: Calm down, we're here to tell you your mate Sawyer is in danger, we heard him screaming not far from here.

Kate: Sawyer, oh, no, we gotta go help him!

Charlie [excited]: _Fate is late, mate. Kate loves your mate. Jate is late, Skate is now fate!_ Wow, I'm on a roll today!

Jack: Just shut up and show us where you heard him screaming.

---------------

Jin and Sun are talking inside their tent.

Sun: I'm pregnant, Jin!

Jin [smiling and hugging her]: That's good news, why are you sad?

Sun: Juliet told me pregnant women die on this island.

Jin [holding her hand]: Don't worry, I'll get you and my baby out of this island. _*He begins to dance* The Sun will come out tomorrow! Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there'll be Sun!_

Sun:_ The Sun will come out tomorrow! So ya gotta hang on 'til tomorrow. Come what may!_

Jin & Sun: _Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya!_

---------------

Jack, Kate, Charlie and Desmond find Juliet and Sawyer, who has already recovered his senses. They are now walking back to the beach, holding torches, it's raining heavily. They hear thunder, Jack screams like a girl.

Jack [hugging Juliet tightly]: I'm scared.

Juliet [patting his back]: Shush… It's nothing, just thunder.

Sawyer [pushing Jack off of Juliet]: What if it's the smoke monster?

Kate: I'm scared too… _*another thunder, now it's Kate who screams and hugs Juliet.*_

Juliet: Why does it always have to be me?

Sawyer [hugging both women]: Because you're the only mother figure here. _*he tries to put his head between their chests* _Kate looks like a scared little girl.

Juliet [trying to calm both Sawyer and Kate]: All right, do you know what I do when I'm scared? I sing. _Raindrops on roses and numbers on white bunnies. Buttons to push every 108 minutes. Girl who knows how to use slings. These are a few of my favorite things!_

They start dancing around the jungle smiling.

Juliet: A r_eally hot guy who everyone he nicknames. Whose name is not Sawyer is actually James. Spinal surgeons who likes to fix things. These are a few of my favorite things! Bitch that my boyfriend calls freckles. Monster that haunts these jungles. Island that doesn't let me go back to my sibling. These are a few of my favorite things. Australian chick that pronounces it Baybee. Bug eyed creep who claims me. Whispers and taller Walt sightings. These are a few of my favorite things._

James: _When the boar bites!_

Charlie: _When the bee stings._

Jack: _When I'm feeling sad._

Juliet: _I simply remember my favorite things and then I don't feel so bad!_

---------------

They arrive safely at the beach, when the rain finally passes it is night already. And the next day when the Sun does come out everyone starts dancing around the beach singing in chorus.

_We're all Lost together_

_Once we know that we are_

_We're all stars and we see that_

_Together, together, together everyone_

_Together, together, come on lets hunt a boar_

_Together, we live together and die alone_

_Together, together come on let's hear Smokey roar_

* * *

**Spoofed Songs:**

– The Sound of Music – The Sound of Music

– Pocahontas – Colors of the wind

– Petula Clark – Dans Le Temps

– Maroon 5 – She will be loved

– Annie – The sun will come out Tomorrow

– Evanescence – Hello

– The Sound of Music – My Favorite Things

– High School – We're all in this together

* * *

**Next week on After the Boom:** A book club meeting like you've never see!

_Kate: I'm so excited, I've never been to a book club meeting before._

_Juliet: __We are not going to be discussing Dr. Seuss again, are we? We've done it on two crack!fics already, the joke isn't funny anymore!_

_Ben: No, we'll be discussing Twilight._

_Walt: Oh, no! I thought that just because the author doesn't like Twilight we would be free of Twilight references!!!!_

_Richard: Everyone loves twilight, deal with it, Walt._


	12. Bonus Feature – 02

**Bonus Feature**** #2 – Shirtless after the Breaking Dawn**

**Author's Note:** So this one goes to** Ilayda**, who asked for some shirtless Richard. You can blame her for my sinful thoughts while writing this chapter. God, do you think something like this can happen on the real show? _*fangirl attack*_

Also, I want to thank** Priiscila** and **Gaby**, who helped me understand Twilight, seriously, I've never read the books.

**Note to Priiscila:** Priiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, deixa uma review! :tapfoot: Ou eu fico de mal!!! :scorn:

---------------

Everyone sits around Ben's house, there are some muffins that Juliet has made sitting on the coffee table, but no one dares to eat them.

Ben: Ok, so let's start shall we?

Kate: I'm so excited, I've never been to a book club meeting before.

Juliet: We are not going to be discussing Dr. Suess again, are we? We've done it on two crack!fics already, the joke isn't funny anymore!

Ben: No, we'll be discussing Twilight.

Walt: Oh, no! I thought that just because the author doesn't like Twilight we would be free of Twilight references!!!!

Richard: Everyone loves Twilight, deal with it, Walt.

Walt [bored]: Ok, dad!

Michael: Don't call him that, I'm your real father.

Kate [to Michael]: Conceiving a child does not make you a parent.

Claire: Don't even try it, Kate, you're not going to keep Aaron!

Kate pouts, Walt whispers something into Michael's ear then leaves quietly, Alex runs after him.

Ben: Where did he go? And why is my daughter going after him?

Michael: Oh, he said he rather I steal his kidney and push him out of a window than stay here and discuss Twilight.

Kate: And you let your son speak like that about a masterpiece?!

Michael: Hey, what if I need a kidney someday?

Juliet [sort of mocking Kate]: I knew you liked Twilight!

Kate starts to take off her shirt, but unfortunately for Sawyer, she's wearing another shirt underneath it.

Juliet [reading Kate's shirt]: Team Jacob.

Aaron: Did anyone say Jacob? I'm Jacob!

Kate: See, sweetpea? Mummy has a shirt with your name on it, it means I love you more!

Claire [grabbing Aaron's hand]: No she doesn't!

Claire leaves dragging Aaron with, Ji Yeon runs after them, Kate starts sobbing uncontrollably.

Juliet: Why are you crying? Because Claire took your pretend son away, or because you know Team Edward rules all?

Kate cries harder now.

Richard: This book club meeting is depressing. The book is boring, _*Kate cries even harder at the insult*_ and I hate geometric love stories.

Sawyer: The love triangle of doom… Does that remind you of something?

Kate wipes her face and looks from Sawyer to Jack.

Kate: Poor Bella, she could never make up her mind about Edward, _*she looks at Sawyer_* or Jack, I mean Jake! That's so said! _*Kate resumes crying* _

Juliet [rolling her eyes]: And somehow it's always about Bella!

Ana Lucia: Yeah, it's always about "Bella!" _*Makes air quote* _

Christian: What's the deal with the _*makes air quote*_? Nobody explained it to me yet!

Libby [panicking]: IT'S ABOUT THE ALIENS!

Everyone looks confused at Libby.

Hurley [explaining to everyone]: She thinks she's on the wrong fic!

Everyone still looks confused at the odd couple.

Hurley: It's an inside joke between the author and **hjr**, you want to get the joke, go read **Lost Messed Up**!

Ben: Just like the Dr. Suess comment. _*Starts laughing*_ Now I get it!

Juliet: You know what I like the most about that fic, it's that the guys are always losing their shirts.

Kate: I kind of liked that, up until **hjr** made me walk around in boarskin.

Sawyer: You didn't like that, Pebbles?

Ben: I'm sorry, weren't we discussing Twilight?

Juliet: Yeah, but shirtless men is a lot more interesting.

Jack: Of all of us here, who do you think would be the hottest shirtless guy?

Juliet [smiling as she has an idea]: I can't say that for sure unless I see you all together.

Jack: What? Like a contest?

Sawyer: Why? Are you afraid she'll say I'm the hottest one?

Jack: We all know the author is a Sulieter, of course Juliet is gonna pick you as the hottest one.

Juliet: Ok, then, I'm gonna make it easy on you, Jack, there's going to be a jury.

Kate: Pick me to be a part of that jury!

Kate sits on the sofa next to Juliet giggling excited waiting for the show to begin.

Ana Lucia: Count me in!

She sits next to Kate.

Richard: See, this isn't fair, Sawyer slept with all three of you. A Jury is supposed to be impartial.

Sawyer: Is it my fault I'm good a Public Relations? Sleeping around is my propaganda!

Tom [raising his hands timidly]: Can I be a part of the jury too?

Kate: As much as we all like gay friends… This is a woman thing, Tom!

Tom: But I can watch, right?

Ana Lucia: You can watch it, yes, but no way in hell you'll be an eligible candidate.

John: Ok, so who is eligible?

Juliet: Certainly not you, John.

John: I'll have you know that I have a lot of fangirls who think I'm sexy.

Juliet: Certainly not us, John!

Kate: Ok, so this is how it will work. We'll call a name, the guy will take off his shirt, we'll rate, and then decide who is the hottest shirtless guy on Lost.

Juliet: James, honey, since you are so sure of yourself, why don't you go first?

Sawyer: I have no problems with that, sweetheart.

Sawyer walks in front of the jury and strips off his shirt doing a little cheesy striptease dance. The girls root, Kate is the first one to get her cheeks burning. Ben is disappointed that his book club meeting is effectively ruined.

Ana Lucia: Look at that, even Sawyer's back has dimples.

Sawyer: They are magic, dimples, Muchacha!

Sawyer winks at them smiling proud of himself, Juliet is also smiling brightly because he is all hers. Sawyer is very well built, but not over-the-top muscular, it's the perfect amount to drive all three women crazy. They write down their rates.

Ana Lucia: Ok, so the next might as well be Jack.

Jack: I don't know why I'm always second on this fic, I have more fangirls than Sawyer.

Kate: True, but Sawyer will always be the best looking.

Jack sighs exasperated, he takes off his shirt, he doesn't put up a show like Sawyer did, but he is sure to flex all his muscle. Juliet eyes sparkles at Jack's tattoos, but Kate feels glad that she is the one who gets to run her hands through his arm.

Ana Lucia: I gotta a question for you, Jack. What happened to all your chest-hair? _*Jack's cheek turn bright pink*_ Because the first time we saw you bare-chested you were all hairy. Then when you were taking a shower at the hatch there was some hair here and there. But now you chest is as bald as John's head.

Jack [embarrassed]: Must be the island powers, just like Juliet's hair get straighter the longer she is stays on the island!

Sawyer: Is it really? Or did you start shaving your chest after you first saw how good I looked, Copycat?

Jack: At least my hair doesn't look like the girl's from the cover of Seventeen Magazine.

Sawyer: Oh, you know that fake beard you wore on your flashfoward? Mr. Friendly, asked you to give it back to him because he needs to go scare the shit out of the French Chick!

Juliet: Seriously, guys, the trash talk is embarrassing!

Kate: I pick next… _*Kate looks at the guys deciding each one would be the hotter to pick next*_ Richard, why don't you show us how old your chest really is?

Richard [smug]: It looks a lot younger than it really is, I can assure you!

His striptease is a lot more effective than Sawyer and Jack's, having lived for so many years he knows how to please women very well. He even manages get Kate to drool. The three women keep staring at him as he stands shirtless in front of them. There is discrete hairline on his hard belly that almost drives Juliet crazy.

Long after Richard's show is over the girls keep on oogling him.

John: I think they may be in a trance.

Richard [still smug]: Let them stare, I don't mind.

Sawyer [in a whiny voice]: I do mind! Blondie, come on, you're killing me here!

Juliet [blushing]: Sorry! _*she clears her throat*_ My turn, I pick… Sayid, let's see if you can torture us as good as Richard just did.

Sawyer [whiny and jealous]: BLONDIE!

Sayid is sexy, and his dark skin makes his body look even stronger. Then it is Charlie's turn, he isn't as strong as the other guys, but his normal-looking body makes him very cute in the jury's eyes. Michael surprises everyone, because he used to be seen as just Walt's father, but his upper body is as hot as one of a BMOC. Jin is really hot, and has an exotic vibe about him. Paulo is skinny, but has muscles in all the right places. Boone is a lot skinnier, but still manages to get a few sighs.

Ana Lucia: Ok, we have a verdict!

Kate: the hottest shirtless guy on Lost is… *Drums drumming*

Juliet: Richard Alpert!

Jack [stunned in a high pitched tone]: WHAT?!

Sawyer [pointing at Richard]: This guy? But he's a fucking metrosexual who wears eyeliner!

Richard [with his arms crossed showing off his muscles]: And your hair looks like a girl's.

Sawyer [talking like a spoiled child]: Blondie, you're going to let him talk to me like that?

Juliet: Your hair does look a little weird I can cut it if you want.

Sawyer [pouting]: You ain't cutting nothing, Delilah!

Juliet: Oh, come on, don't be such a sore loser.

Sawyer [still pouting and now frowning]: You should have picked me!

Juliet [offended]: Who said I didn't? I'm not the only one in the jury.

Sawyer: Well, then take a good look at this, because it's the last time you're going to see my magical back dimples.

Sawyer puts on his shirt and leaves the room.

Juliet: Come back here, I love your magical back dimples.

Juliet runs after him. The other guys start to put on their shirts embarrassed, except for Richard.

Richard: Ok, so what does the winner get?

Kate: The winner gets to stay shirtless from now until the day he dies.

Ana Lucia: So, good shirtless eternity to you, Richard.

Richard: What? No way!

Kate grabs Richard's shirt, she and Ana Lucia run out of the room giggling, Richard run after them.

Ben: This is so typical!

Jack: Since when is a book club turned into a hottest guy contest typical?

Ben: What's typical is that I always have something interesting to say, something important, mysterious, and creepy. I always have a well written monologue to recite… And you all ALWAYS still my thunder walking around shirtless.

Jack: I know I will regret this later, but… Just say what you have to say.

Ben: First just let me tell you how offended I am that you turned my book club meeting into a hottest guy contest. Twilight is masterpiece. Where else have you seen a girl changing her life around for a Vampire, who she thought wouldn't give her the time of the day? Their love is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

Jack: The guy fucking glows in the sun, what's up with that?

Ben takes off his shirt to reveal a "Team Edward" t-shirt.

Ben [angry]: You don't talk about Edward like that!

Jack runs out of the room and Ben runs after him.

Jin: Is this a new game? I like hide and seek better!

* * *

**Next week on After the Boom:** Who framed Roger Workman?

_Sayid: It's final, you guys need to accept the fact that we are a love pentagon now. _

_Kate: What do you mean?_

_Sayid: I got a letter from the writers. _*Starts to read it aloud.* _Sayid is now part of the love pentagon. The name of the ship will be __**Party of Five**__ as an homage to Matthew Fox._


	13. Bonus Feature – 03

**Bonus Feature**** #3 – Who Framed Roger Workman?**

**Author's Note:** This one is for **Kab16**, my wonderful and faithful reader. She asked for more Roger, I couldn't just ignore her wish. Well, here it is, I hope she likes it! I've also taken some suggestion from **hjr**, so I guess credits are needed.

---------------

The Children of the Island gathered around in a circle holding hands down at the orchid station.

Walt [in a deep voice]: Oh, mighty Jacob! We are gathered here today for the initiation ritual of two new members. Emma, the niece of Juliet…

Emma [cutting him off]: Wait, Juliet is my aunt, did I miss something? When was this big secret revealed?

Walt [confused]: Aren't you Emma the daughter of Ross and Rachel? Rachel the wife of Jacob and sister of Juliet?

Emma [stunned]: No! I'm not! I think you are taking this name role reversal thing a little too seriously.

Zach: I like it. I'd like to know who I might be.

Walt: Ok, just let me check.

Walt starts going through his pockets looking for something. Alex realizes what he is searching for and gives him a piece of paper.

Alex: This is the list of shows the author is obsessed about, if that's what you're looking for.

Walt: Thanks, Alex. _*starts to read*_ Let me see, Zach, Zach… Here I found it! You represent Zachary from Desperate Housewives, that guy who is going to turn all psycho and is going to try and kill Mike. Which is supposed to be Michael. _*grins maliciously*_ Hey, you can try and kill my dad any time you want, Zach!

Alex: This is getting us nowhere, Walt.

Walt: Ok, so let's proceed. Please Jacob, we ask you to accept Zach and Emma into the **Children of the Island**.

Walt closes his eyes and lowers his head.

Zach [in a lower voice]: What is he doing?

Alex: He is communicating with Jacob, he needs to find out what is the sacrifice that the island demands for you two to be a part of the **Children of the Island**.

Walt [to Emma and Zach]: Ok, so I talked to Jacob, and he said that in order for you to be a part of the **Children of the Island**, you need to try to make a baby together…

Emma & Zach [disgusted]: EEEEEWWWW!

Walt: Then Zach must fall from a drug filled Nigerian beach craft, and Emma must get shot by Ana-Lucia!

There was silence in the room.

Alex [tactfully]: Walt, are you sure that's really what Jacob wants to happen to Zach and Emma?

Walt: Wait a second. _*Walt closes his eyes, after a moment he opens then again smiling.* _Sorry, Jacob thought I was talking about another brother and sister.

Alex: Walt, you should have questioned Jacob beforehand!

Walt [serious]: I do not question Jacob, Alex!

Alex: But he asked for Emma and Zach to make a baby, don't you think this is a little disturbing?

Walt: Richard takes little boys' innocence, and Daniel Crazy Faraday is obsessed with little redheaded girls…

Alex: Stop talking like that, you're freaking me out!!!

Walt: Ok, moving on… What Jacob really wants is for Zach and Emma to go back in time and help little Ben escape from the Dharma Initiative.

Zach: And how are we supposed to do that?

Walt [incredulous]: Have you people never watched the show?! If your nose is bleeding, you find yourself a constant; if you want to summon Smokey, you unclog the pipes; if you want to time travel, you spin the frozen donkey wheel. Stupid and not at all creative things like that!

Zach: Ok, then let's do this!

Alex: Who is going to spin the wheel? Whoever does it must leave the island!

Walt: Let it be Charlie Widmore then, he can always find his way back home!

Little Charlie [angry]: Oh, man!

---------------

Charlie spins the frozen donkey wheel. There is a flash of bright light, Emma and Zach find themselves at the same spot. Only it looks like the orchid is being built. The run out of there unnoticed. They hide in the jungle.

Zach: Ok, we're here. What now?

Emma: We need to help Ben escape, so I guess the first thing we need to do is figure out how.

Zach: We could like create a diversion. Like set off the alarm or something…

Emma: No this is Lost, we need to blow up something.

Zach [having an idea]: How about this? We set one of those hippie busses on fire and smash it into one of these yellow houses.

Emma: That could work! Let's go find Ben!

They walk unnoticed until they see Juliet approaching some lady in a hammock, afraid of being recognized they hide behind a tree.

Juliet: Hey, Amy, I didn't mean to wake you. I'm here for the sub manifest, obviously I don't want you working today!

Amy smiles, Juliet looks inside the baby cradle with a shocked expression.

Amy [worried]: What's wrong?!

Juliet: Amy, I think your baby is a doll!

Juliet reaches inside the cradle and holds up the doll by its leg.

Amy: Oh, no, did I forget Ethan at home and brought my dharma-prepare-for-newborns-doll?

Emma sees Ben going inside a house, she whispers something into Zach's ear and they run in the direction of the house. They poke their heads through the window.

Ben: Dad I brought you breakfast from the cafeteria.

Roger [coming from his room]: That's the least you can do after killing your own mother.

Ben: Dad I only brought breakfast because you didn't make any and I needed something to eat before I went to school.

Roger: You ungrateful little bastard, I put a roof over your head and that's how you thank me!

Ben [teary eyes]: I can bring you breakfast every morning, if that's what you want.

Roger: That's the least you can do after you killed your own mother!

Ben storms out of the house crying.

Roger: I should really start treating that kid better. _*thinks about it for a second*_ No, I'm going to wait until his life is in danger before I start to appreciate him!

---------------

Emma and Zach are outside of the Monitor Room while Roger cleans. They notice Jack, Sawyer and Kate approaching. They act quickly, Zach picks up a broom and knock Roger out from behind. They sit him on the chair and hide underneath a table.

Sawyer: Look at this pathetic excuse for a man, sleeping on the job!

Jack: What did you bring us here for Sawyer?

Sawyer: Name is LaFleur now, Jackess! I brought you here to talk some sense into Sayid's head.

Jack: Why, is he still insistent on not letting us help him?

Sawyer: No, that's the least of our problems. Tell them, Sayid!

Sayid: It's final, you guys need to accept the fact that we are a love pentagon now.

Kate: What do you mean?

Sayid: I got a letter from the writers. _*Starts to read it aloud.*_ Sayid is now part of the love pentagon. The name of the ship will be **Party of Five** as an homage to Matthew Fox.

Emma and Zach roll their eyes, something sparkling gets Zach's attention. They see Roger's keys resting atop the table. They get the keys and run out of the room.

---------------

In the next few days they manage to help Ben escape only for him to get shot by Sayid, and then they discover that Sayid is shot by Roger. How poetic! And then there is chaos, everyone is trying to run away from the island because there is going to be a supposed incident. However there were still some people who wanted to get to the bottom of it all.

Horace: Who let the hostile escape?

Roger: It was the new people!

Zach: You know? You're trying so hard to blame those people.

Horace: What?

Roger: Who are these kids?

Emma: Mister Goodspeed, we saw that it was Roger who let the hostile go.

Roger: What? Why would I do that?!

Zach: The hostile didn't break free, someone let him go, someone who needed a key!

Emma: And who had the keys? The janitors!

Roger [nervous]: You kids are twisting the evidences, why would I let the hostile take my son away?

Emma: Mister Goodspeed, is it not true that you have seen Mr. Linus beat up his kid on a daily bases?

Zach: Wouldn't Mr. Linus love the opportunity to just hand his son over to the other side?

Horace: You know? These kids have a point.

Roger [incredulous]: Horace, are you going to take their word over mine?

Horace: They look so innocent and sweet. _*Emma and Zach smile innocently*_ See!

Roger: But you don't even know who the hell they are! _*gets mad*_ You stupid kids, don't you parents ever spank you?

Roger makes it toward them, but Horace stops him.

Horace: That's it, Roger! I believe you are responsible for letting the hostile go, and you shot him because you didn't want him to talk. Now as a punishment, you will be sent to the hydra island and will clean Polar Bear poop for the rest of your life!

---------------

Five minutes later when Juliet sets off the bomb, Emma and Zach time travelled back to their original timeline. They go down the Orchid station to find Walt and Alex making out on the couch.

Emma: What the hell?!

Walt and Alex sit on the couch startled and embarrassed.

Zach: You said hell!

Walt [cleaning his throat]: So, did you guys do it?

Zach: Yes, we did it.

Walt: Good, then now you guys are part of the **Children of the Island**.

Alex: And we would appreciate if you guys didn't say anything about Walt and me. You see, I still have feelings for Karl, and I wouldn't want him to get hurt.

Emma: Oh, my God! What's the deal with Lost and bad parenting and love triangles!!!!

The little blonde girl leaves the station mumbling to herself.

---------------

**Author's Note:** Ok, so it wasn't exactly what **hjr** suggested, but I think it ought to do it. People, I'd like to tell you that I'm on vacation, but I'm working more than when I wasn't. =|

I will try to catch up to your fanfics as soon as possible.

* * *

**Next on after the boom:** A fic finale and some Christmas joy!

_Secret Interviewer: __And who IS the bad guy?! _

_Ben: Superman has captured him, and we are all safe now!_

_Locke: Esau, that damn impostor that tried to pass himself as me. People on this island have no respect for especial people!_


	14. Bonus Feature – 04

**Bonus Feature**** #4 - On the Set**

For this last chapter of my fic I had the honor of interviewing the Damon and Carlton.

Andressa: What can you tell us about season six?

Damon: For starters, it's different than most of the other seasons.

Carlton: We chose a more comic tone to tell the story.

Damon: Season six is all about answers.

Carlton: Yes, all the questions were answered in season six.

Andressa: I gotta admit, Lost is really crazy. Sometimes it looked like you were making stuff up as you went along. But then, on the final season, it all came together. What is your secret? How did you come up with such a successful TV show?

Carlton: The number one secret is Numbers!

Damon: Yeah, you come up with a sequence of numbers, make your comic relief character say they are cursed, and boom. People will spend _hours_ trying to figure out what they mean.

Carlton: Even though you just picked them out randomly.

Damon: And you can hide the numbers on clocks, jerseys, flight numbers, you'll get a kick out of seeing your fans trying to find all these Easter Eggs.

Andressa: So you're telling me I spent hours working on finding a logical explanation for those numbers and they don't mean squat?

Damon: I'm afraid so…

Carlton: Unless you sum them and you'll get 108.

Andressa: Was it difficult coming up with lost?

Carlton: Not really…

Damon: Nah… It was the easiest thing. It was like making a milkshake.

Carlton: Milkshake, that's a good metaphor!

Damon: We put everything we knew about religions, science, Stephen King's books, philosophy… What else?

Carlton: Star Wars, Shakespeare, The Wizard of Oz, Lord of the Flies, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland…

Damon: Art, music, Ancient Egypt, Comic Books… Well, you put all these knowledge in the blender, mix it all up, and then you have Lost.

Andressa: I bet the movie Frequency is on that list of references, isn't it?

Carlton: Frequency… I've never watched that movie…

Andressa: Ah, come on! I can't believe you don't know the movie where Elizabeth Mitchell played Julian Sullivan. A woman who worked in a hospital as a nurse, whose son used a radio to contact his father in the past, with whom he helped to catch a serial killer named Jack Shephard. Did you honestly never watch it?

Damon: I've heard J.J. worked on that movie and wasn't credited.

Carlton: Why would he work and not get credited?

Damon: I don't know, might be just rumors.

Andressa: Ok, I got a good question. Most off all the characters have daddy's issues. Why is that? Do you guys have a problem with your parents?

Damon: No, not at all, my mom is the best, my source of inspiration. Did you know that she used to cry when she listened to _Make Your Own Kind of Music_ and _Downtown_ while she vacuumed the house?

Andressa: That's interesting! You want to send your mummy a kiss?

Damon: Hey mom, look at me, I'm on a crazy fan's fanfiction! Thanks for the diary, by the way. I love you too, no matter what happens!

Andressa: But what about you Carlton, do you have issues with your parents?

Carlton: I wouldn't say issues, but my father did tell me that I hadn't got what it takes to succeed on this business, right after he had stolen my kidney. But I guess I proved you wrong right, dad?

Damon: Well, if we're gonna talk about fathers, mine used to beat my mother up sometimes when he got home drunk. _*Damon is getting angry.*_ I wish I could blow him up!

Kate storms into the room.

Kate [pointing a finger at Damon]: I KNEW IT!

Kate leaves.

Andressa: I have one last question for you guys. Did you get mad when Edward Kitsis revealed to the public, a long time ago, the biggest secret of Lost? That the island was a giant turtle?

Damon: At first I was, I thought about suing him, but that would only bring attention to it. I'm glad people thought he was joking though.

---------------

Talking with Damon and Carlton was great, but then I decided to gather all the characters for a group interview. It was sad to look at their faces and think I wouldn't be seeing any of them in the near future, but then again, all shows must have an end. We set circle in the beach.

Andressa: Hello everybody!

Everybody but Charlie: Hey!

Charlie: You all everybody… You all everybody!

Andressa [ignoring Charlie]: How does it feel to say goodbye to Lost?

Locke: I didn't like it, I didn't like at all. I don't want to say goodbye to the island. This island has my heart.

Kate: Locke actually told the writers that they couldn't end the show now.

Locke: Yeah, I was the only character who stood up to them.

Andressa: Wow, good for you, Locke, what did they say?

Locke: They said, don't tell us what we can't do!

Jack: Then Locke had a crying fit.

Locke: Did not!

Jack: Yes you did, you looked like such a girl, you pissed them off so much, Damon almost threw you out of _his_ window.

Locke [to me]: Do you see how they treat me? I'm just an innocent orphan that everybody hates!

Andressa: Think about the good part, John, now that Lost is over, you can go back to your normal life. Order some take out, watch exposé, call phone sex.

Locke: As long as they don't put me on a wheelchair, then fine!

Andressa: Ok… I actually have a question for you guys. Something that season six didn't really explain. Right in the first few episodes Locke said that there were two sides, one was light the other was dark. We've seen Others attacking the Losties, we've seen them working together to stop the kahana group, then the Losties split into two fractions. Who is on what side after all? Who is dark and who is light?

Kate throws her hands up in the air waving it impatiently.

Andressa: Yes, Kate!

Kate: I know that one. I'm dark, since I'm a brunette, and Juliet is light, since she's a blonde.

Ben: And I play on both sides. _*Realizes what he just said._* Wait that didn't came out right!

Libby: Seriously, does it always have to be about the two of you?! Jeez!

Rose: No, Kate, you're wrong. I'm dark, since I'm an African American, and Bernard is light, since he is Caucasian. Due to an unexplainable and not revealed time travel experience, we became Adam and Eve!

Bernard: Yes, and we were the first two habitants of this island.

Andressa: You guys obliviously didn't get my question. What I wanted to know was. Who is the bad guy? And who is the good guy?

Ben [with an evil look]: I'm the good guy!

Andressa: _Excuse me_, but you killed your own father; you kept Juliet on the island against her will; you tried to brainwash your daughter's boyfriend; you stolen babies from insane mothers; you kidnapped children and scared pregnant women; you put people in cages and played psychological games with them; you manipulated people; and you watched your daughter die because you didn't want to give yourself up. Is that being a good guy?

Ben [offended]: Everything that I have ever done was to protect everyone! None of these guys have any idea of just how dangerous the bad guy really is!

Andressa: And who IS the bad guy?!

Ben: Fortunately, Superman has captured him, and we are all safe now!

Locke: Esau, that damn impostor that tried to pass himself as me. People on this island have no respect for special people!

Andressa: Say, Ben, speaking of killing your father. I remember you asked John to kill his. What's the deal, huh? Is this some kind of Others initiation test?

Ben: Yes, but it's not necessarily killing your father, you see. It can be anyone that had been really mean to you, like Juliet for example. She wished her ex-husband was hit by a bus. She passed on her initiation test!

Juliet: I didn't kill anyone, it was Richard, or Ethan, or Jacob, or whoever it was, it wasn't me. I only said that if Edmund was hit by a bus, he wouldn't be a problem.

Ben [looking at her creepy like]: Think about it Juliet, was it really someone else?

Juliet: What are you implying?

Ben: Your sister's womb was completely damaged from chemotherapy, then you wished really hard and she got pregnant. Did you wish really hard that Edmund was hit by a bus?

Locke [excited]: Uh, that's interesting!

Everyone watches curiously as John Locke takes a paper and pen from his pocket and begins to write something. He notices everyone staring at him.

Locke: What?f

Andressa: What is it? What are you writing over there?

Locke [smiling]: I'm adding Juliet to my list of special characters. So far I have Walt for being able to make rain stop in Tabula Rasa. Hugo for being able to see the cabin in Confirmed Dead. And now Juliet for her whishing power.

Jack [to Juliet]: Please, wish he would get hit by a bus.

Juliet: There aren't any busses on an island Jack!

Jack: Wish Smokey would get him, or polar bear, a boar, something. Please! For old time sake. Remember about that hot sponge bath you gave me after you removed my appendix?

Sawyer: Can you please stay away from my girlfriend?!

Ben: MY girlfriend. MY Juliet. She's mine!

Kate [jealous]: Ben!

Ben: You're mine too, Annie, my love!

Andressa: Hey, Kate has a free pass, if she ever wants to be an Other, since she already killed her father, right?

Ben: She sure does, and she sure will want to, right Kate? _*Kate nods haply* _Her, Juliet and I are getting married next month.

Juliet: Bunny number eight will be the ring bearer!

Andressa: I'm sure that will be lovely. What are the shippers calling you on the boar?

Kate: Benliate.

Andressa: Cool name… Now Kate, the public wants to know. Why two tank tops?

Kate: We are stranded on an island, eating boar, fish and Dharma dried egg. Running through the jungle, chasing after Others, or being chased by Smokey. Sometimes you need to appreciate the little things in life. See, I've always liked fashion, but it's not like there's a Dharma Mall Station around here, a girl needs to do the best with what she's got. Matching my tank tops gives me more options of clothing.

Andressa: So tell me something, Kate, what are you running from?

Miles raises his hand.

Andressa: Yes, Miles?

Miles: Is it just me, or are you focusing more on Ben and his two women.

Andressa: Yeah, well, it's just that Juliet is my favorite character. Kate and Ben are in my top five list of favorite characters. And the show finale was really shocking. Sorry if I've been avoiding the rest of you!

Jack: Thank you, Miles, for a minute there, I actually thought that you were ignoring me.

Andressa: Yeah, I kinda was. I don't really like you, you know?

Jack [starting to cry]: Why not?f

Andressa: Well, from the top of my list, you're too whiny, you have a drinking problem, you're a drug addict, you're condescending, you have abusive tendency toward women.

Jack: I don't abuse women!

Andressa: Well, you stalked your ex-wife, you brutally asked Achara to tattoo on you, you held a broken plate to Juliet's neck, and you yelled at Kate's face because she was doing something for Sawyer.

Jack: Well, when you put it like that…

Andressa: And also, I hate your earlobe, it looks like a weird lump.

Jack: I may have acted a little crazy with women. But I have never hit a woman.

Andressa: That statement is as true as when Sayid said that he never tortured a woman!

Jack: But…

Andressa: No buts, Jack I'm done with you! Who here by a show of hands liked the original storyline where Jack got killed by the smoke monster in the pilot and Kate became the leader?

I raise my hand and everyone but Jack and Christian raise theirs.

Andressa: I can't believe you, Christian, you would want Jack to live?

Jack [hugging Christian]: I knew you loved me, daddy!f

Christian [pushing Jack away]: Let go of me, Jack. I wouldn't want you to die because Claire has much fewer centric episode than you!

Andressa: Jack, I think no one likes you. I rest my case. Mrs. Hawking?

Eloise: Oh, you're gonna ask me a question. And here I thought I was one of the ignored ones like Miles.

Miles: Thanks, Mrs. Hawking! You know? I lied when I told you that ghost Daniel said he forgave you for shooting him. He said he was actually completely disappointed and he hated your gut!

Daniel: Mummy, you killed me, but you said you loved me! I don't understand!

Andressa: Yes, Mrs. Hawking. Why are you so distant and firm with your son?

Eloise: Dear, there are things that we do for the greater good.

Andressa: Come on! Did you and Charles Widmore really hate your son so much that neither of you wanted to give him your last name?

Eloise [offended]: It's not my fault that when Daniel was created the writers had no idea they would make him our son! The writrfes make stuff up as they go along, it's a fact, I mean, look at little Charlie over there. _*We all look at the cute boy with chubby cheeks*_ Can you believe that he and I ever had a son together?

Andressa: Yeah, the whole thing about Charlie Hume being Charles Widmore was freaky. And speaking of it, children are important on this island. So, Walt tells us, what's the deal? Do you have something against birds?

Walt: Not really, it's just that birds are scary you know. When you kill a bird when it is flying it drops dead on the floor, it looks like it's raining dead birds. _*Walt smiles evilly*_

Andressa: And you haven't tried killing othfer animals? I mean, you would save John and Jin a lot of trouble if you started killing fish and boars.

Walt: I tried my chances with bunnies, but Ben threatened to let Sayid torture me if I did anything to his bunnies.

Ben: You leave my bunnies alone you island freak!

Sawyer: Island freak, what kind of nickname is that?

Ben: You know, like in Smallville, they call the meteor infected, meteor freaks. So that makes Walt an island freak.

Sawyer: Actually, that's kind of nice, congrats, bug-eyes!

Ben rolls his eyes

Andressa: My next question is for Mr. Eko. Did you know you can make a lot of money if you put your Jesus Stick on eBay?

Mr. Eko: Really? I can finally make enough money to build Yemi's church. Thank you for the tip.

Andressa: You're welcome, and while we're talking about your club. John 3:05, were they really bearings for John to find the barracks.

Mr. Eko: See, this is why me and the bald guy never get along. Of course, this and because he locked me out of the divine computer of the hatch. _*turns to John*_ John, those weren't bearings.

Locke [disappointed]: They weren't. I was so sure you had seen the future and left me a message before dying.

Mr. Eko: Just because I have a mysterious vibe about me doesn't mean I'm an idiot like you, John. John 3:05 is a verse from the bible. "Jesus answered, verily, verily, I say unto thee, except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God."

Andressa: It's about baptism, you wrote that after Charlie's centric episode, right?

Mr. Eko: See, John, even the person who isn't on the story got it.

Andressa: All right, _*I look at my watch,*_ it's getting late, I should start wrapping up, so I'm gonna concentrate on the characters that I really love. Juliet, what is it like when an atomic bomb explodes in your face?

Juliet [sarcastic]: Oh, it was wonderful, it felt like I was in a spa! It was good for my skin though, it has never been brighter. It looks like I'm glowing.

Andressa: That's really interesting, you know what they say when women glow, don't you?

Juliet: Uh, I know where you're getting at. You're referring to the fact that I turned down Bernard's tea, and then put my hand on my belly in season five finale.

Andressa: Exactly! Now be honest with us. Is there a baby LaFluer on the way?

Juliet: Seriously, if a woman puts her hands on her stomach do you necessarily assume they're pregnant?

Andressa: Yeah, I kind of thought that was stupid. But you know how fans are.

Juliet: And tea, really, if the tea has no caffeine there's no harm for the baby. And it's not like in the middle of the jungle Bernard would make me tea other the herbal. I just don't like tea, that's all, it tastes like dirty water or something. Trust me, if I was pregnant, tea wouldn't be any harm, I know what I'm talking about, I'm a fertility doctor.

Andressa: Which reminds me of an important question. The statue of Tawaret, she is the goddess of childbirth and fertility, does this sound familiar?

Juliet: You mean the four toed statue thing?

Andressa: Yes, are you keeping secrets from us again, Juliet? Come on, admit that you are Tawaret.

Juliet [to Jacob]: You promised no one would find out.

Jacob: Are you afraid they are going to think you are a freak of nature because you only have four toes?

Andressa: So the statue was made after you?

Jacob: Yes, Juliet is my first wife, I built the statue after she finally discovered the cure of the dying mothers.

Juliet: Did you have to make me look like a giant hippopotamus?

Jacob: You were the one who sang the song to our kids about wanting a hippopotamus for Christmas. I thought you would have liked!

Dinah, a little blond five year old girl; to those who don't know, she's the only daughter of Jacob, and also daughter of Juliet; comes running contently from the jungle towards her mother.

Dinah [singing]: Mom says the hippo would eat me up, but then teacher says a hippo is a vegetarian!

She sits in Juliet's lap.

Jacob: See… I had to listen to that annoying little song, over, and over, and over again.

Andressa: Hold on a minute, just so there's no confusion here. Juliet and Jacob, and kids.

Mr. Eko: Seven to be exact. Remember I told Jacob had Benjamin and Joseph with Rachel? But well, first he was married to Rachel's sister Leah.

Everyone looks stunned at Juliet.

Juliet: So I changed my name, big deal. Can somebody name all of Kate's aliases?

Ben raises his hands.

Andressa: Yes, Ben.

Ben: I just wanna say that I am completely shocked with this chapter's revelation. I want to have a talk with Damon and Carlton about why they keep writing characters that steal my Juliet! Jacob is my father! _*To Jacob*_ How could you?!

Jacob: She's your aunt, Ben! That would have been sick, even for you that used to practice kissing with you bunnies.

Ben: This is outrageous! I never practice kissing with my bunnies!

Andressa: Ok, ok. I'm done with daddy's issues, first Christian steals Sarah from Jack, and now Jacob. Frankly, this is getting old! Sawyer, I have a question for you that has been bugging me for a really long time. Freckles or Blondie?

Sawyer: How about this? I want freckles on a blonde woman.

Andressa [disappointed]: You will never make up your mind, will you?

---------------

Dinah: Now, Mr. Locke.

Locke: _On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love sent to me. Twelve Drummers drumming._

Jack: _Eleven things a-fixing_

Ben: _Ten Lockes faith a-leaping_

Juliet: _Nine Sawyers conning_

Aaron: _Eight Claires breast milking_

Desmond: _Seven Saws Stations beeping_

Kate: _Six ships a-sinking_

Charlie: _Five DriveShafts rings_

Walt: _Four Hurley's birds_

Sayid: _Three French chicks_

Richard: _Two polar bears_

Dinah: _And a smoke monster knocking down a tree. And a smoke monster knocking down a tree. _This was so cool! Now, _I want a hippopotamus for Christmas_, from the top!

There was a simultaneous annoyed sighing from everyone in the circle.

Juliet: Come on, honey, I think everyone wants a rest. Why don't you go play?

Dinah: Ok.

Dinah starts to run toward the jungle.

Kate: Dinah, wait!

Juliet watches from the distance as Kate kneels down on the floor to be in Dinah's eye level.

Kate: you want to come play with auntie Kate?

Dinah: Yeah, sure…

Kate stands up, holds Dinah by the hand and starts walking away.

Kate: Ok, so I'm the mommy and you are the daughter. You can call me mummy.

Juliet [realizing what Kate is up to]: Hey, you're not going to steal my daughter like you did Aaron.

Kate starts to run, still holding Dinah by the hand. Juliet runs after them.

Kate: What do you care? You have six more!

Ben watches them with a smile on his face.

Sawyer: What are you smiling about?

Ben: Kate likes to steal little kids, we're gonna be so happy together!

---------------

**Author's Note:** I guess this is it. I may think about writing another chapter, but it won't be so soon. I want to thank all you guys for the support, for reading and reviewing. I got 100 reviews it was my goal, yay! I loved making you laugh, thanks for reading, and happy holidays!


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